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American Horror Story - Traitor - Review

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When Cordelia said she needed to gather her army to fight Michael, boy, she was not kidding. This week saw her gather more recruits and win the first battle in this War of the Witches and Warlocks. But who ended up being the titular traitor? I would bet my soul that no one could have guessed who it was. I know I couldn't.

Recruit number one is the new voodoo queen, Dinah, who is absolutely beautiful in her voodoo queen outfit. What's not so beautiful? The way she uses her magic to kill a man and his mistress, an act paid for by his angry wife. She's apparently a witch for hire. Which is exactly why Cordelia approaches her. She wants a meeting with Papa Legba and only Dinah can help her set that up.

Recruit number two is one actress/witch Bubbles McGee, AKA Joan Collins' second character. We get some old '80s style video intro to some tv movie, an homage to a movie Joan Collins did in the past in which there is a murderous Santa Claus. Is this a throwback to season two? I wondered if they'd sneak one in somewhere. Of course, I would have preferred the cameo of a certain Satan-possessed nun, but I'll take what I can get.

When they finish filming, Madison shows up to tell Bubbles she's been summoned. This actress left the coven some time ago, but now she's being called back to help stop the apocalypse. At a dinner with Myrtle, they explain the sitch. They want Bubbles to use her mind-reading powers to uncover the thoughts of the high warlock counselor, Ariel.

Dinah and Cordelia meet with Papa Legba. He already knows why they're there because he already knows about Michael. Cordelia wants him to trap Michael into the underworld. BUT FIRST, NAN. NAN IS BACK. Nan has enjoyed her time in hell as Papa Legba's little helper. I think she's enjoyed being bad a little too much because she is all kinds of rude to Cordelia, which I think is unwarranted. Cordelia never did anything to her, it was her mother. Anyway, Papa Legba wants Cordelia to sacrifice the souls of all of her coven for him to take Michael. It's a hefty price and it's one Cordelia won't pay, even though the cost is six billion other souls.

The rest of the coven have tea and discuss the situation. Mallory wants to know about the alleged new supreme, but the others don't want to think about Michael. More importantly, Coco has discovered a new power; she can tell the exact calories in foods. Awesome. She's so excited that her powers are growing. For a lighter scene, the coven plays The Price is Right with calories and Coco gets the right number each time. It's all fun and games until Coco dies choking on a snowball. At least it didn't have that many calories. But alas, she is saved by Mallory the Christ, who uses her heavenly abilities to cut out the snowball piece in her neck and then heal her. Zoe can't believe it. She hasn't seen a power like that, and it leads her to believe Mallory is the next supreme, which I think is a red herring. With Coco's powers growing, could she be the next supreme? Ryan Murphy does love his underdogs.

At the warlock's sanctuary, Myrtle and Bubbles take on Ariel and Baldwin, Ariel's lackey. They pretend they want to have dinner and make nice. We know Myrtle's blowing smoke but they clearly don't. They lay it all out for Bubbles how they hate the witches and are planning to kill them just like they killed one of their own, John Henry. This is all the evidence the witches need to strike.

At the big coven dinner, the hot dinner topic is Mallory being the next supreme. But Mallory doesn't want it, not if it means Cordelia dying. But Cordelia is just glad it will be her that's the supreme and not Michael. Behold is with them. It looks like he's switched sides, betraying his own group. I guess he's a traitor, but not the traitor. He talks about them stopping Michael. But Cordelia, two years before the apocalypse (as the title card says, but I'm pretty sure that's an error, given that the main flashback is THREE YEARS BEFORE the apocalypse and Myrtle's been there that whole time), did something out of desperation; bringing back Myrtle. Cordelia did it because she knew something was coming and needed Myrtle's help and guidance. But we know Myrtle's been with Cordelia since before Michael was even a thing, so did she do this because she sensed Michael was coming? Then why was she surprised to meet Michael, that there was a threat to her supremeness?

While I hurt my brain trying to figure that one out, The coven goes all gangbusters, ready to take the fight to the warlocks. But first, they stop at a gas station, the one where John Henry died. Mallory uses her time reversal/resurrecting powers to reform John Henry from his ashes and bring him back to life. He becomes recruit number three.

In a scene that supports my theory on Coco being the next supreme, Coco and Cordelia have a conversation about her growing powers. She wants Coco to help, but Coco doesn't think her gluten and calorie powers are helpful enough. But Cordelia convinces her she's just as important as any other witch. Cordelia's task for Coco is to help kidnap Human Mead, who John Henry revealed is the one that killed him and Cordelia calls the traitor. How is she a traitor? Was she a witch? I hope that one's explained. Coco finds and confronts Human Mead, who shoots her, leaving the male coven helpers (I guess?), those guys in the black suits from season three, to take Human Mead. So, Cordelia's whole spiel about Coco being important was just to get her to go be bait, essentially. Alrighty then. One down, two to go.

Ariel and Baldwin have this gleeful chat about how they're going to kill the witches. They're going to poison them with female-killing anthrax. But guess what boys? All of that work Baldwin did to make that concoction is wasted because the witches are already there and hear everything. If I were them, I would have dropped that potion right there and then, but nope. They get taken as well.

The coven sentence Human Mead, Ariel, and Baldwin to be executed by fire. She's not supposed to do it herself as she's not a warlock, so John Henry is more than happy to do it for her, and give them a taste of the medicine they gave him. Human Mead is okay with what's going to happen because it means she gets to be in the arms of Satan. The other two aren't as comforted by that thought as she is. But no matter, they all burn anyway. First point goes to the witches.

As a side note, the fumes from the flames must have gotten to Human Mead because she looked up when she talked to her "father", not down. Or she has gotten this whole heaven versus hell thing entirely backward? If so, she's in for a rude awakening, or firing (hehe), as it is.

So, I'm glad that none of our women turned out to be the traitor, but it was still anticlimactic for it to turn out to be Human Mead. What does Mead have to do with the coven? Was she a witch? Or is it more like a traitor to their gender kind of thing? Let me know what you think about that and the episode as a whole.

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