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Quote of the Week - September 9-22

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A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.

American Horror Story -
1. Andre: "The stew is Stu." (Sam)
2. Venable: “There is no excuse for tardiness when there is nothing else to do.” (Sam)
3. Coco: "Brock, do you remember the contract that we had? At any time, we could unilaterally release each other from our monogamous obligations. You are now free to see other people." (Sam)

American Vandal -
1. DeMarcus Tillman: “It's like every handshake is a McNugget. You know, it's completely unique.” Sam: “Well, I don't think every McNugget is completely unique. I think there's only like four shapes actually.” (Ellys Cartin)
Peter: “We are not the worst generation. We are just the most exposed.” (Ellys Cartin)
DeMarcus Tillman: “This my man Squeak. We look different, all right? But this is still my man. It don't matter. I'm no more important to the rest of the team than this guy. Even though I might score 31, 12 rebounds, just nasty, Squeak might get like two free throws. Squeak's still just as important to the team as I am. Like sometimes low-key I'll be wondering why he plays basketball, 'cause he not that good. I think his mom probably signed him up or something.” (Ellys Cartin)

Better Call Saul -
1. Kim Wexler: “You don’t know the whole story.” (Shirleena)

BoJack Horseman -
1. BoJack: "Now that’s a good story about my mother. It’s not true, but it’s a good story, right? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when I was a kid, where she talks about her father. I remember when I saw it, thinking, “That’s the kind of story I want to tell about my parents when they die.” But I don’t have any stories like that. All I know about being good, I learned from TV. And in TV, flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think that part of me still believes that’s what love is. But in real life, the big gesture isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependably good. You can’t just screw everything up and then take a boat out into the ocean to save your best friend, or solve a mystery, and fly to Kansas. You need to do it every day, which is so… hard. When you’re a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough, that even though your parents aren’t what you need them to be over and over and over again, at any moment, they might surprise you with something… wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof that even though my mother was a hard woman, deep down, she loved me and cared about me and wanted me to know that I made her life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting. Hey, Mom, knock once if you love me and care about me and want me to know I made your life a little bit brighter. [silence, owl chirping.]" (Lindsey)
2. Diane: “There’s no such thing as bad guys and good guys! We’re all just guys! Who do good stuff, sometimes. And bad stuff, sometimes. And all we can do is try to do less bad stuff and more good stuff. But you’re never going to be good! Because you’re not bad! So you need to stop using that as an excuse.” (Lindsey)

Carter -
1. Harley: “Since you seem to know, what is a Kiki Loki?” Dave: “A half chicken, half elephant, half totally awesome kirin-type creature.” Harley: “Why stop at 3 halves?” Dave: “Kiki-Loki spits in the face of human arithmetic.”
2. Dia: “A soft drink company took a character many people had never heard of and created a mythology. But really Santa Claus is just a hermit who enslaves elves, forces them to make toys. Then in the middle of the night, breaks into your house. To preserve the story, parents lie to their children. I find that terrifying.” Harley: “Well yeah, but presents.” Dia: “Made by slaves.”
3. Dot: “If you had divorced her when I told you to, none of this would have happened.” Harley: “You told me to divorce her at our wedding reception.” Dot: “And now here we are. Who was right?”
4. Rick: “I mean it’s amazing nobody got killed in here.” Harley: “Well I don’t think they were expecting Wonder Woman as one of their bridesmaids.”
5. Adam: “So according to these guys, our honeymoon will be some place called protective custody.”
6. Dave: “I think one of the Assassins of Thirst killed her.” Harley: “You think she was killed by a fictional character?”

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia -
1. Frank: “The most important aspect of a man’s success is to never trust another man.” (Mads)
2. Dennis: “Mac, sometimes I’m just riffing. Would you allow me to riff? As the leader, can I riff? CAN I RIFF!?” (Mads)
3. Charlie: “His neck is high. It makes me trust him. Good posture, bro.” (Mads)
4. Artemis: “The rose quartz is a healing gemstone as well as the lapis lazuli, and the goddess-stone is for putting up your snatch.” (Mads)
5. Dee: “Great. You’re a soy boy beta cuck.” (Mads)
6. Dee: “Women don’t have a prostate, god dammit.” Artemis: “Or is that what men want you to think.” (Mads)

Mayans MC -
1. Emily: “I know what you have to become to manage this.” Miguel: “I don’t become something else—” Emily: “Yes, you do. You have to.” (Mads)
2. Angel: “How was your trip to the upside down?” (Mads)
3. Miguel: “The only thing I can’t lose is my son.” (Mads)

The Purge -
1. The Radio: On Purge night, America lives up to its promise. So how will you use this freedom? Will you right some wrongs? Will you heal? Will you hurt? Will you give life? Will you take life? Just don’t let yourself or your country down. The Purge is America. So be an American and purge.
2. Paramedic: The Purge notwithstanding, the natural human bent is towards order. In the absence of that, people find a way to pay homage.
3. Allison: Sometimes it feels like purging is the only answer. (Mads)
4. Allison: So... do you notify HR about my promotion or is that on me?
Pete: If I had a heart it’d be bleeding for you right now.
Cult Members: Tonight we give so that tomorrow will be a better place.” (Mads)

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