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Station 19 - Could I Leave You - Review

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After the events during training day where a lieutenant died, the team does not trust Beckett’s leadership skills. The team is taking matters into its own hands. Diane drops by the station and is called into action alongside Carina and Vic.

The team undergoes an investigation to determine what went wrong during training for Lt. Cooper to could have died, investigated by a single fire captain, who seemed to be on good terms with Beckett. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Chief Ross, who changed the protocol and got a team on the investigation instead. Before we learn about the outcome, and after the aftermath of the last fire, where Beckett put himself in harm's way (on which later more), Beckett realized he needed help and is taking a leave of absence.

A call leads the team back to Ruiz’s old neighborhood again. This time it is the barbershop, which Vic and Ruiz inspected a while back, that has caught on fire. In the back of the fire truck, the team is contemplating if Beckett is drunk right now. Maya confesses that she bought him a bottle when she was a mess, giving the team even more reasons to think he is slipping, so they came up with a plan.

While everyone is already running into action, Beckett is last out of the truck and dropped his tablet. Expecting to give orders to his team, everyone surpasses him, asking Andy for Commands, while she steps up as a captain. Warren is questioning if they should do this because it is a mutiny. It might get them all fired, but eventually decides they are all in this together. Beckett is aiming for Andy now, calling her out and distracting her from her taken-on job. Working as a team, everyone is sticking up for Andy, who seems to be handling everything just fine, she keeps Beckett at bay and the team moving as well. Beckett threatens to call the chief which she tells him he should.

While everyone is working to get people to safety and the fire out, they learn that one person is still inside. The entrance in the front has collapsed. The team needs to find another way in through the back. This entrance is in a junkyard and locked. It took a while for the team to open. Meanwhile, Beckett was doing nothing. We saw him struggle to keep his shaking hands under control and his vision unclear. When a woman keeps bugging Ruiz that her husband is still inside and he needs to go inside and save him, while he says he cannot and the team is working on it, Beckett has enough and risks his safety by ignoring orders by running/jumping in through the flames to find this man. When found, Beckett finds himself trapped and needs the team's help to get out of there. When they get to him we see that Beckett has already given up on himself.

Everyone is shaken up after the call and is trying to make sense. Chieff Ross has been brought up to speed and is furious at everyone at 19. She tells them that the Beckett situation was being handled. She lectures the entire team, telling them it might cost them all their job. Everyone wants to explain, but Andy gets to. She tells the chief what they did and why. And even though she gives 'a calm statement' it was bad form from the team. And we haven’t seen the last of it just yet.

Maya is fed up with guilt because she thinks it was her bottle setting Beckett to drink again. Thinking it is all her fault and Seeing herself as a monster. Warren tells her she wasn’t in her right mind being in a terrible place, which she worked hard to get out of. The guilt is a sign that she is a decent human being. And that indeed she did an awful thing, but if it wasn’t her bottle, he would have found another one. She did not make him drink on the job.

While the team is out, Carina stops by the fire station with supplies for the Clinic, but she is just there to see Maya. While stocking up on supplies, Diane stops by as well. When Carina puts one and one together and realizes Diane is Maya's therapist. She wants to know if Maya is doing better and if they are getting through this without Diane breaking patient-doctor confidentiality. Diane can answer that Maya is doing better but not her other one.

While the women go on with their business, someone drives a car with a deer on the hood into the fire station, calling the women into action. The driver hit the deer and is pinned in her car with an antler in her stomach. They eventually manage to free the woman from the car and send her to the hospital, but not before she let out all her worries about her marriage and place in the world. Vic tries calming her down and tells her that everything will get better. She responds with: “You guys saved my life, I have to do something with the rest of it so it feels like mine again.” We see that this is getting to Carina.

When the ambulance is on its way to Grey-Sloan, Diane lets out her excitement from the adrenaline rush. Vic joins her in the excitement but Carina breaks down in tears. Going on a rant about what is happening in her life and wondering if she is signing up for more pain. Still believing Maya only goes to therapy because the department made her. Diana tells her that was the first session, but she kept working. Then Vic answers the third question from earlier that Diana wouldn’t answer. She tells her Vic knows she and Maya are going to make it through it and be better after it.

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