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Roswell, New Mexico — Kiss From a Rose — Review

19 Jul 2022

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Roswell, New Mexico is seven episodes away from existing in the past tense, and over the course of four seasons, the people in charge have learned nothing. The show has consistently acted like it has 31 episodes instead of 13. It wastes all its episodes setting up the season, rushing the ending, and forgetting that the middle matters. And the setup eats up most of the episode count, packing them with bits and pieces of “mystery” that they then attempt to weave together in the final three episodes. It doesn’t work. It’s never worked. Alex channeling T.S. Eliot, in season one, foretold season four — “not with a bang but a whimper..” With that said, I’m going to channel my inner Charlie Bucket and cheer up, so let’s get to it.

It’s All Bad
Clyde the Grump is away this week. I’m not mad about it. Meanwhile, Bonnie is still feasting on our planet’s delicacies, but Tesca isn’t having it. She takes Bonnie’s food then tells her to disappear Michael. I guess they haven’t heard that this group of friends doesn’t care when one of them goes missing. Anyway, after carefully considering her options, Bonnie gets herself arrested, so Max can keep her safe. Perseverance definitely isn’t Tesca’s strong suit, so I’m sure she’ll be thwarted by Bonnie’s clever plan.

We manage to get some backstory on Bonnie. Turns out, she discovered her special ability when she accidentally took her mother’s powers. Mom was less than understanding and kicked Bonnie out of the house. Jones preyed on her innocence and broken spirit, as horrible men do, and convinced Bonnie to take away other people’s powers. He told her it would bring peace. Whatever. Let’s get to the real issue. Did Bonnie kiss her mother on the lips? I’m betting she didn’t. You know my next question. I won’t even type it.

Alas, Bonnie lacks the ability to restore powers, so Michael might be screwed. No worries though, Bonnie took Michael’s powers to protect him. She made him powerless, so he could protect himself from people with powers. Let’s take a moment of silence because this is so stupid. I have no other word for it. It is stupid.

Her explanation involves Clyde manipulating Michael. It also involves whether or not Michael would leave Earth for the Oasis. It also lacks all logical flow. It’s just gobbledygook dialogue in an attempt to mask this show finding another way to traumatize Michael.

An aside: After noting Michael and Bonnie’s exchange in my notes, I wrote, “I bet Max gets to ask Bonnie to take away his powers.” Now, am I a genius? My test scores say yes, but that’s not how I figured this out. I knew, and no doubt you knew, because that’s the dynamic this show has set up from the beginning. Max is a rage monster that always gets what he wants and Michael is a victim that continues to be victimized. Alex too. Insert conversation about why that might be.

We Done Been Fell Apart

New Mexico is gorgeous, which makes it the perfect place for Max to pretend he’s meditating or whatever. His namaste moment is interrupted by Liz. She is, once again, trying to hype him up. Why, Liz? Why? I don’t even understand their relationship anymore. There is no way this is healthy. The writers have sucked the viewers into Max’s spiral. That’s not a compliment. It is exhausting. I wish I cared then I wouldn’t be so annoyed by how much time it’s eaten up this season. Where’s the growth?

After completing his mental health break and visiting a sick Michael, Max goes to confront an imprisoned Bonnie. First, he drags her into his mindscape to get answers from her, but then resorts to clearing out the sheriff's station, so they can talk in the real world. Here's hoping Roswell is crime free today. Bonnie isn’t saying much. It’s difficult to know if her reluctance is some tactic or caused by the threat of Max’s flaming blue hands and yelling.

Eventually, Michael joins the party. How he drove to the sheriffs station with ten viruses in his body, we’ll never know. It’s here we dive deeper into another of Roswell, New Mexico’s patented lack of consent moments. I’ve already discussed this, so let’s move on.

Three isn’t a party, so Tesca joins them. I guess she wasn’t thwarted by Bonnie’s clever plan. Max holds Tesca back with his powers long enough for Bonnie and Michael to escape. Well, Bonnie escapes after chaining Michael to the building. Max is losing ground, but that’s okay because Liz stabs Tesca in the back with Arturo’s machete.

If you ask me, the best part of this little action sequence is a presumed dead Tesca rising from the floor and showing her true face. She’s cute. So is her bob.

Once everything settles, Max and Liz start to have some sheriff station sex, but Max burns Liz because he lacks the ability to control his new blue flame power. This is the second time in two episode that Max’s lack of control has hurt Liz. Max knows he sucks, but Liz tries to reassure him. I might be directing my hostility toward the wrong character. Something to consider for next week.

Instead of learning self-control, Max takes the easy way out, asking Bonnie to take his powers. It would be easy to believe that Max thought getting rid of his powers would stop the Alighting, but his conversation with Bonnie centered around Liz. Some savior.

Never Felt This Way About No One
For the second time, viewers are given confirmation of Kyle Valenti’s sexual prowess. He isn’t just a surgeon with a great face and a big heart. Sadly for him, Isobel allegedly views their coupling as just two friends having therapeutic sex. Also, is two times a lot? I don’t think it’s a lot. And certainly not enough to warrant dialogue.

Later, Kyle confesses to Isobel, telling her that he’s in love with her. Isobel doesn’t know what to say to Kyle’s confession. I’ve got no complaints with this particular exchange. In one of the better written moments of the season, Isobel succinctly discusses the burden of other people’s expectations. We’ve all been there.

On the flip side, Kyle and Isobel have hit so many tropes in the past two episode. See if you can name them all. Truthfully, stacking tropes is a brilliant way to disrupt them. It’s also a great way to complicate the story. The problem here is the timing. The writers dumped them all in too small a space rather than giving each one time to settle. Roswell, New Mexico has never understood pacing.

Heart-Shaped Box

A student once told me that Walt Disney was cryopreserved. I had no reaction to the statement. Well, Shivani has frozen her daughter. Still no reaction because why wouldn't the show add one more thing to deal with during its final seven episodes. Anyhow, it looks like Shivani is hoping to use alien DNA to cure her daughter’s illness. Doesn’t Liz already know how to do this? Isn’t it what she was working on in season two? Why wouldn’t Shivani just ask Liz? What’s with the subterfuge? Once two people agree that aliens are real and that scientific evidence of them exists, doesn’t it make way for just about any conversation?

Other Stuff

I had a bunch of other notes, but the episode was all over the place, so there just wasn’t room for all of them. Like, Eduardo being a crap father, Mimi being a ghost, Alex being blamed for not communicating, Theo pulling a National Treasure with the Bible and glasses, and Worry Dolls usually being Guatemalan. Also, it looks like we might be meeting OG Liz soon. How did all of these things plus all the other things happen in 42 minutes. Crazy.

Until next week.