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Roswell, New Mexico — Dig Me Out — Review

So many comments last week. I read them all but didn’t get a chance to respond. I was at a writing retreat, crafting cathartic self indulgent creative nonfiction about relationships. Please know that I read and appreciated them all.

This week’s episode of Roswell, New Mexico took me from “I’d rather watch the commercials” to “I want to fight a tree.” I actually said both of those phrases in the wee hours of this morning because I was outraged. But . . . After some stargazing (Venus and The Pleiades), and the breakfast of champions (veggie omelet and Almond M&Ms), I’m feeling froggy and am ready to write this review.

When I Finally Make it Home

So, Mimi isn’t a ghost. It’s Alex communicating through the ripples of space, time, and alien quicksand. Admittedly, I was initially outraged when I realized the writers were having Alex communicate with Maria instead of Michael. I thought it was their final finger to all the Michael and Alex fans, but then I realized I was imbuing them with a level of clever that I haven’t witnessed in this season’s plot. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t challenge a Weeping Willow to an Agni Kai.

Maria is the “psychic” and Alex’s “bestie,” so he would obviously try to communicate with her instead of just writing a message on the bathroom mirror as Michael was getting out of the shower. And don’t tell me he couldn’t do that, he made an entire freaking milkshake without anyone noticing, so clearly the boy is adept.

Whatever, Maria and Liz figure out that Alex has been haunting her. Alex is a better person than I will ever be. I would use all my energy haunting my friends and my cosmic love for not realizing I was missing. I’m talking plagues, salt pillars, floods. Real Old Testament stuff. Speaking of the Old Testament . . .

The Waters Were Divided
Isobel finds a way to get Dallas partially naked. Since he’s a water baby, the hot tub will help enhance his powers and let the two of them explore the past. I’ve never seen Hot Tub Time Machine, but I’m assuming this is where the writers got the idea. Personally, I think it would have been classier to put him in all white and hose him down while “Pony” by Ginuwine played in the background, but that’s just me stealing ideas from other movies.

We learn quite a bit during Dallas and Isobel’s mindscaping. For instance, Roy Bronson and Theo were friends in 1947. Bronson even warned Theo about Dallas being out of the pod. Also, the shady shapeshifter, Tezca was around in 1947, and knew about the Bible and the decoder glasses. This particular subplot yielded results because Dallas knew where to find what he needed, so he did his best Moses impression, parted the lake and found the decoder glasses safe and sound beneath tons and tons of water.

Armed with the glasses and Bible, Professor Dallas decoded his dad’s messages and followed the clues to X marks the alien quicksand spot that swallowed Alex.

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God Meets Inspector Gadget
This is the episode where Clyde becomes a linguistic conundrum, using some old timey, snake handling, fire and brimstone, Khan Noonien Singh, cult leader speech patterns to up his lunacy. It also upped his annoying. He looks constantly constipated, and I’m tired of him. I want someone to hit him with a truck.

Clyde managed to be everywhere at once this episode, lurking in bushes and skulking behind buildings to spy on our unwitting gang. And he did it all with a “villainous” look on his face. Remembering it makes me cackle.

He didn’t just outwit our team of daring-do heroes. No. He also double crossed Tezca, sending Michael, Max, and Isobel to take care of her, so he could cuddle with Jones’ ashes and ascend back to Oasis. You clever boy, Clyde. You clever boy.

Unfortunately, while the alien siblings were defeating and jailing Tezca, Clyde was sending Dallas and Bonnie to the right-side up. I’m sure Alex could use some visitors by now. Dallas even found Alex’s alien necklace.

About that acetone bath Clyde prepared for Tezca earlier in the episode, even in water, acetone is highly flammable. I don’t know if Clyde and Tezca know how science works on Earth, so I thought I would leave this here in case anyone wanted to recreate that little cave bathing scene.

I’ve Built My Life Around You
Let’s begin with a question. How long was Max and Bonnie’s kiss that Liz had time to pack a bag?

So, Liz finally jumped up, down, and all over Max’s stupid. This is hard to admit, but I don’t know that this time was the right time. At the end of the day, Max gets to do as he pleases with his body. Did he do it in a way that was rash and without thinking through the consequences? He certainly did. Could he have discussed his decision with Liz before acting on it? He certainly could have. But if he doesn’t want his powers and saw it as the best choice for his life, he’ll get no pushback from me. The real world is on a precipice, friends.

Mind you, I still think he has gotten away with far too much crap these past four seasons and prefer the powerful, the pleasurable, and the destructible counterpart—Jones. Speaking of the sexy version of Max, did anyone else laugh at the skinned muppet they used as a wig when Jones was threatening Theo? Dishonor.

Liz needing some time away from Max, bums a private jet ride from Shivani to visit Rosa in New York. You all know I love Rosa. I love seeing her. I love looking at her. I love her sassy interactions with Michael. I love her telling Liz about herself. However, this was a waste of episode real estate. Rosa gets nonsensically upset, accusing Liz of trying to make her feel small with her fractal talk. What? How? Did we miss something? And then the encounter ends with her giving Liz a pep talk.

That entire New York sequence could have been: Rosa’s artwork hanging in the Crashdown. Some random customer says to Liz, “I love the work with fractals.” Then a metaphorical lightbulb appears over Liz’s head. Hooray, she’s geniused her way into solving the powers problem. Stop wasting time!

Final Thoughts:
Did anyone else think that map was rather crude for a species capable of space travel and maybe warp capabilities? Or have I been watching too much Star Trek: Discovery and Strange New Worlds?

I’ll ask again. Do we know why Theo has a tattoo or space etching in the middle of his forehead?

Hey, Sanders. You make everything better, and I understand the liquor store comment because this season makes me want to drink.

Why don’t these people use their magic powers to fight back when being threatened by other people with magic powers? Bonnie? Theo? I’m looking at you.

How are they going to make me care that Tezca was Isobel’s teacher and make it matter to the larger plot?

This was fun. And by this, I mean how many pop culture references I was able to squeeze into this review. Until next week.

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