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American Housewife - Trophy Wife - Review: "Emblem, Insignia, Monogram"

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Oh, the taste of revenge is sweet! Until it bites you in the ass, that is!

Katie's at school with Anna-Kat, who's celebrating getting to pick the movie her class watches this week, when a new mom walks in - well, step-mom, that is. Harper is a mid-twenties millennial who is more granola then every washed-out 70s Flower Child combined. She's also hated by every mom in Westport, who view her as a homewrecker and a threat to their marriages.

Realizing there's finally someone in Westport who the other moms dislike more than her, Katie comes up with a plane to get back at her kale smoothie-drinking, tight leggings-wearing enemies. She convinces Harper that the best way to make friends in Westport is to volunteer for important positions at school, that way she'll have to spend lots of the time with the other moms (and their husbands!) Not only will the other moms be stuck with her on a regular basis, but she'll catch their husbands' eyes and make them start wondering who's getting the divorce papers next!

Meanwhile, Greg enlists the kids in an attempt to get Viv to focus on someone other than herself. They try every tactic possible. Oliver threatens to get a tattoo to shore up her concern. Taylor sits down next to her and has an angsty teenage cry. They even play a game where all she has to do is ask everyone else questions about themselves. But, no matter how you spin it - Viv seems to self-obsessed to ever be reached!

At school, Katie sits through a hilarious "Feelings Council" led by Harper, who's volunteered to be the room-mom for Anna-Kat's class. Not only does Harper manage to make every other mom in room feel old, but she's got every husband drooling. Harper may have banned clapping and instead instituted "finger-waving," which Katie finds odd, to say the least, but revenge is still shaping up for success!

Things take a turn when Anna-Kat comes home from school with bad news - apparently, Harper has banned her movie choice - The Goonies, saying it's inappropriate. Katie emails Harper to straighten things out but finds more resistance then she expected. Apparently, Harper's "inner-voice" is telling her The Goonies isn't a good choice. When the rest of the class parents are brought in, everyone agrees with Harper. She's got the dads in her back pocket and even though the moms hate her, they now hate Katie even more for orchestrating this whole scheme.

Katie decides she's going to have to hop in bed with the enemy and goes seeking out the rest of the class moms, who are all busy trying to make themselves 20 pounds lighter and 20 years younger in an attempt to keep their marriages afloat. Katie says that even though Harper's only banning movie choices today, soon she could be taking it a step up, and doing things like banning botox - in an attempt to hippie-dippitize all of Westport!

This (unsurprisingly) gets the rest of the moms' attention. At the emergency Feelings Council meeting, the moms fight back, break the official "Feelings Stick" and tell Harper she's being removed from her position as room-mom. To say this doesn't go over well is an understatement. Harper storms out, declaring she'll have her step-daughter Insignia transferred, and even flashes some side-boob just to really spite everyone. Katie and rest of the moms briefly consider ending their long-standing hate of each other, but after Katie reveals she, Angela, and Doris came up with the rumor that baby pee makes you look younger to mess with them, the moms decide they're gonna stick with despising her. And Katie's fine with that. She has no desire to flip tires for workouts and go on cabbage soup cleanses anyway.

On the home front, Greg has resigned himself to baby steps in getting Kathryn to be less self-absorbed. He doesn't think he's made much progress until he finds out that she has actually read his book. Granted, her favorite part of it was when the mailman delivering it complemented her, but baby steps, ya'll!

Random Thoughts:
-Katie's "Darth Vegan" burn had me rolling.

-Harper, I tried to like you, but anyone who bans The Goonies needs to be whacked upside the head!

-Best line goes to one of the Westport moms during the ambush of Harper. "You have been a mom for two months. Stop giving parenting advice or I will knock you all the way back to Coachella!"

Do you think we've seen the last of Harper? Is Kathryn really making progress? Let me know what you think below.

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