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Modern Family - Kiss & Tell - Review: "Mean Girlier"

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This week our events once again bring the family all together for a cook out to celebrate...something? The running gag is that no one really knows WHY the family has gathered at Jay & Gloria's house for the get together - some theories included Jay & Gloria's anniversary, Gloria's birthday, Manny's welcome home party, or for some award Alex received.

Haley is still reeling from her run in with Dylan at the 4th of July Parade that lead to her kissing him. She's still clearly in denial here as she goes to Mitch & Cam for relationship advice claiming that the kiss meant nothing. Haley is seeking their advice on whether or not she should confess this transgression to her current boyfriend, Arvin, as he's away in Switzerland. As to be expected, Mitch & Cam are not on the same page as they answer at the same time with completely different answers. Mitch claims people don't need to know everything about one another in a relationship while Cam is emphatic that she must come clean.

This conversation sparks three different storylines for the episode. Beyond Haley's relationship drama, it also creates some new drama for Mitch & Cam over their disagreement. Cam thinks that this means there's something Mitch hasn't been truthful about to him. Mitch would soon reveal that indeed, a few weeks into their relationship - Mitch kissed another man. But much like Haley's supposed feelings on the kiss with Dylan, it meant nothing. Knowing anything about Cam, you probably know this didn't sit well with him. The other very minor storyline here is that Cam & Mitch reveal to Claire that Haley confided in them not her - once again hitting at Claire's insecurities about her relationship with her kids, leaving Claire wondering why Haley wouldn't tell her these things.

Elsewhere, Phil finally got around to seeing Mean Girls and has come to the realization that Jay is the "mean girl" in his life. Especially after Phil called him "Michael Jerkson" after Phil was doing a moonwalk at a recent wedding. If there's one thing he learned from that movie is to get a mean girl from being a mean girl - you have to be "Mean Girlier." So he spends the episode being flat out rude to his father-in-law. After being rejected by Phil at the table, a conversation with Alex reveals Phil's "mean-girling" of Jay which lead to Jay fighting back with his own mean-girling (with a side of Legally Blonde).

Manny's back from his trip and is bragging about his "Canadian girlfriend." Which everyone knows that Canada's number one export is fake girlfriends after all. Since Mitch & Cam both had Canadian girlfriends before they came out, everyone makes the not so difficult jump that Manny must be gay. This leads to Gloria spending her episode trying to attempt Manny to feel comfortable in coming out.

Some unfortunate timing of a group discussion about Mitch's kissing of another person ends up leading Haley to thinking Mitch & Cam had told her secret...which Claire quickly jumps in on to faslely confirm only to get Haley to admit her slip up to everyone. Ultimately, this is what convinces Haley she has to do what she doesn't want to do. In a FaceTime call with Arvin, she awkwardly admits her kiss with Dylan (multiple times due to the bad connection). A clearly heartbroken Arvin chooses to hang up on her.

Claire gets her moment as an upset and conflicted Haley comes to her to discuss the new turn in the relationship. Claire also wraps up the Cam & Mitch story by fabricating a story about how it all worked out for the best because Mitch came crying to her after that kiss but that it taught him that Cam was who he wanted to be with (which would end up being a lie - teaching us a lesson that sometimes lying is good thing!) Claire encourages Haley to figure out who it is she loves and end it with the one she doesn't.

Haley goes to Dylan, looking to once again tell him that she has no feelings for him. But Dylan spills his heart out to Haley about how he has never been able to let go of her and everything he is doing so he can become a better person for her until he deserves. In an episode about truth and honesty, Haley realizes she has to be honest with herself - she loves two people.

Realizing that Jay was mean-girling him as well, Phil decides to fight back with the one thing that Jay would never expect - Phil was going to act like a man! Phil decides he is going to do the grilling at the same time revealing that everyone in the family actually thinks Jay overooks their meat ("I've given you a meat thermometer for 3 years in a row, for the love of God - use it!"). Jay finally breaks down about how mean Phil had been, and is especially upset about Phil making fun of his "Mint Jaylups" which Gloria reveals he created for Phil. Jay confesses that sometimes admires Phil - in that he envies people who don't mind being an ass because they have so much fun. Jay apologizes for the name calling (Fail Dumphy, Shrill Dummy, Spill Bumbly?) and all is once again well for these two patriarchs.

Oh, and Manny is not gay and his Canadian girlfriend is in fact real. He proves it via video chat - which is NOT the first time she's had to do that.

Also, for the record - turns out there was no special occasion for the part after all and Jay kicks everyone out of the house because they're around each other enough as it is, they didn't need to start hanging out for no reason!

Random Thoughts:

-A lot going on here seems like things we've covered before. Mitch & Cam's views on keeping secrets from one another, Claire being upset about Haley not talking to her about things, Manny's tendencies, and of course Haley trying to figure out if she's over Dylan or not.

-That being said, the Phil/Jay plot was fun to watch.

-Oh, and while Alex has yet to get anything worthwhile to do this least she seems to be happy for once. Her only real contribution to the episode is a couple lines about how great sex is with her fireman boyfriend...with Phil's reactions being amazing.

-Guess we're not done with Arvin yet after all. It's looking like Dylan could be the endgame here for Haley...still not sure how I feel about it as it really should be Andy! But there was something slightly endearing about watching Dylan spill his hear tout to Haley.

-"It's not easy being a white man these days."  - Luke

-"That's the gayest thing I've ever heard and I've shampooed dogs in West Hollywood." - Cam

-As Jay and Phil are trying to out mean-girl one another:
"We need to talk."- Cam
"Something weird is happening, I want to see how it plays out."

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