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The Big Bang Theory - The Matrimonial Metric - Review: "The Woes of Wedding Planning"

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Welcome back! I hope you've all had a tremendous holiday season, and that those of you (like me) who are dealing with extreme cold weather right now are keeping warm. May I suggest investing in a heating blanket? They're a lifesaver. Except... you'll never get off of your couch again. Don't say I didn't warn you!

We pick up right where we left off last year - wow, that's weird to say. Amy and Sheldon are headed over to Bernadette and Howard's, when Amy tells Sheldon not to talk about the wedding. Sheldon will not only oblige, but he also says he doesn't have to speak at all!

Y'all know that would only last 1.2 seconds. Amy shares that she hasn't been able to decide between Penny and Bernadette to be her Maid of Honour, and doesn't want to deal with that drama tonight. Sheldon suggests he completely dominate the conversation to distract everyone. Sounds more like the fellow!

The two agree that they'll use codeword 'pretzel' if Amy feels as if discussion is moving too close to wedding planning.

At Bernadette and Howard's, everyone's busy helping baby proof the house.

Even Penny, who was just testing out the baby proof'd liquor cabinet.

Howard says Bernadette's been keeping herself busy while on bedrest by doing wedding research for Amy and Sheldon, given Amy was her Maid of Honour. Awwe!

Well darn, that didn't take long. Amy prompts Sheldon to tell his... pretzel... story. He shares that they'll be serving pretzels at their wedding.

Or was it rhinos? No? Pretzels? Oh dear. Sheldon says he has to leave, and scurries off. He doesn't make it out the door, as someone babyproof'd it. I think we just witnessed Sheldon Cooper malfunctioning. Did anyone see smoke or the flash of wires sparking coming from his back?

At Amy and Sheldon's, Amy's more confused than ever on how to plan this wedding without offending anyone. Sheldon can relate; his mother is hoping Sheldon's brother Georgie will be his Best Man. After rejecting her saviour and LinkedIn request, he feels terrible refusing.

Wait a minute... Sheldon has an idea. What if they use quantitative metrics to determine who will play each role in the big day?

My face exactly. Sheldon wants to use a superhero analogy to explain, and is denied. He puts it in its simplest form - a loyalty role would be perfect for Leonard. Pez dispenser full of Tums - Howard. Someone who has fake testicles hanging from the back of their car - Georgie.

Jeez. I'll never be able to un-see that.

Sheldon's suggesting they give roles to people depending on what best suits them, using tests to arrive at this conclusion.

Somebody give the man a mic he can drop, because that idea is FIRE!

In theory. Until everything inevitably goes wrong.

At Penny and Leonard's, Leonard excitedly announces he's starting a book! Sheldon says that would only be news if it was Penny.

Actually, he's writing one. About a physicist who solves crimes!

NOT about Sheldon! He doesn't buy it, though. Before that banter can continue, Howard discovers that the restaurant forgot to include their fried rice. Raj is offended given his morning Soul Cycle in preparation for this meal. Sheldon sees this as an opportunity to observe how the gang handles a catering crisis.

Leonard doesn't care. Penny doesn't notice. Finally, Howard grabs his phone and calls the restaurant to complain. In Chinese.

10 points for Howard! And... turns out he may not have understood Raj's plight for the playful bullying to stop. Oh well. This friendship is built on the basis of bickering. Sheldon next decides the gang should have a toast. Everyone raises their drink. Sheldon forces someone else to make the speech.

Isn't science fun?!

Penny shows up at Amy and Sheldon's with a sewing kit they had requested, in just over a minute's time! Sheldon's been counting.

Penny's confused. Sheldon claims he's going through a counting phase. Penny wants to know why they needed the kit. Amy whips up a fun response - Sheldon bent over and ripped his pants. She questions nothing else, and leaves. The two make their way over to the wedding leader board they've created, giving points to Penny and taking points off of Bernadette as she tried to ship them a sewing kit via regular Amazon.

Sheldon thinks their friends shouldn't be forced into certain roles because of their genders - he says Penny wouldn't make a bad Best Woman. Amy agrees. He then proceeds to say that whoever takes on these coveted responsibilities has to be able to keep each other's secrets from one another. But... Amy has no secrets from Sheldon.

He may have one or two.

Amy and Raj are having lunch, when Amy asks Raj if he considers himself to be trustworthy. He thinks so - until, that is, Amy wants to tell him a secret about Howard that he can't repeat. Initially, he refuses... but then blurts out that he already knows about Howard's special undies.

My feeling is that Raj is in the negative points zone.

Meanwhile, Sheldon is serving Bernadette tea and cookies in bed. He says he has to tell her a secret that she can't even tell Howard. Without batting an eyelash, she complies. Ooh, Sheldon's about to spill the hypothetical tea!

Turns out Sheldon can control the thermostat in Leonard's room with his phone, and slightly changes the temperature when he makes Sheldon mad.

The hypothetical tea is still fully in tact. Howard walks in, asking what the two are talking about. Bernadette literally has no response. Bonus points!

Here's a look at the leader board:

Somehow, despite Howard's special underwear story, Raj is in the lead. They decide to test how fast their friends can get them to a destination, in preparation for wedding day. Sheldon rushes into Penny and Leonard's to ask Leonard to give him a ride to a train sale.

Sheldon doesn't want to break the tradition of not seeing Amy on... sale day. Yup, that's it. Sale day. Leonard tells him to seek help.

Later, Leonard's feeling a little schvitzy in the apartment.

Revenge is a dish best served warm. Amy says they should test how well their friends know them. All Amy has to say is "my aunt", when Penny replies with everything she knows about Amy's dear Aunt Doe. Looks like she's in the lead. That night, Amy then recommends they find out if their friends can handle them getting cold feet. Sheldon's worried that her feet are chilled. Amy says it's actually a test for him, just in case.

Sheldon thinks it's a great idea!

Sheldon and Howard are at the comic book store when he asks Howard's opinion on purchasing expensive Swamp Thing memorabilia, as he's having second thoughts. Howard brings up that it's costly... and Sheldon rebuts that it could bring him lifelong joy. Howard's confused as to how a swamp creature can bring someone that much happiness. Sheldon walks out, yelling that Bernadette's no prize, either.

Penny notices Leonard's working on a brain teaser Sheldon sent him on table configurations, and determining who can sit where at an... unnamed shindig. Apparently Amy sent it to Penny, too, but she already figured it out. By throwing it away. Howard and Raj arrive, and, would you look at that, they've all been sent this brain teaser. They've also received little plastic rings they've been told not to lose. Cinnamon ate Raj's ring.

It's all good, he'll get it back tomorrow.

Amy and Sheldon are working on the leader board when everyone storms in demanding to know if they're being tested for wedding roles. Amy says no. Sheldon says yes.

Yikes. Everyone's angry, especially Leonard who appears to be in last place. As they're leaving, Sheldon asks who figured it out. It was Howard. Amy and Sheldon give him bonus points.

Later, Sheldon's at the comic book store and is looking visibly down. He tells Stuart what happened, and that it appears as if Georgie's armpit will be delivering the Best Man speech. Stuart volunteers to step up, given he's never been called the best at anything.

Not one episode goes by where I don't feel sorry for Stuart. This guy needs to find happiness. Perhaps he's found some, though, as Sheldon agrees to the idea. Stuart requests Claritin as his Best Man gift.

It's the little things.

The guys are eating lunch as Leonard finishes the brain teaser. That's commitment! Sheldon walks up and announces that he owes them an apology. He explains why he did what he did - because he couldn't choose between any of his pals.

Raj thinks that's sweet. Leonard says Sheldon should just choose, and not worry about what anyone else thinks - which should be easy for Sheldon Cooper.

Also, he wants bonus points for being the only one of the guys to complete the brain teaser.

Leonard gets home and excitedly shares with Penny that Sheldon's asked him to be his Best Man. Penny's happy, and doesn't care that Amy hasn't asked her to be her Maid of Honour. They only talk every day and see each other all the time. Wait for it.

Penny feels shaded.

At Amy and Sheldon's, Howard's coaxing Amy into calling Bernadette and telling her she can be her Maid of Honour. Before she can dial, Penny barges in and announces that nobody will be the Maid of Honour except her, given Amy's her best friend.

Amy's been waiting to hear those words for years. The deal is sealed.

Finally, everyone's over at Bernadette and Howard's once again. Leonard apologizes if things are awkward between him and Stuart given the Best Man change.

He's holding on to the 48 hours he had in the role. Sheldon has an idea - what if Stuart's the Flower Girl?

He's sold. The poor guy's desperate. Howard thought Hallie was going to be the Flower Girl. Sheldon changes his mind, and Stuart's back out. Howard then reveals that Bernadette doesn't know about the Maid of Honour decision yet, and after some thought Amy decides Penny should be the one to break the news. Penny sees opportunity in Stuart's desperation...

He doesn't want in that badly. Penny gets up, and demands Howard open the liquor cabinet before she faces feisty Bernie.

This has been one of my favourite episodes of the season. It was a hilarious concept to have Amy and Sheldon test their friends, and entertaining to watch everyone come together to figure out what was happening. I'm happy with who the pair chose for Best Man and Maid of Honour - although, I wonder if it'll cause any drama at Penny and Leonard's when Amy and Sheldon disagree on parts of the planning. This is going to be one wild wedding! Especially if brother Georgie is in attendance. His truck better stay far, far away though. That thing sounds nasty.

Down below, let me know if you're happy with who Amy and Sheldon chose for Best Man and Maid of Honour, whether you think they were totally whacked or completely genius in how they made their decision, and if you're as excited as I am to see this wedding!

Catch The Big Bang Theory Thursday Nights on CBS.

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