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American Housewife - Blue Christmas - Review: "Sell Me This Key-Chain!"


It's Christmas morning at the Ottos. The kids are itching to open presents, but Katie insists they follow their yearly Christmas tradition first - build a fire, eat a big breakfast, talk about the true meaning of Christmas, Greg's seasonal hypochondria flairs up, etc. Then, the landline rings. (What's making that noise?" "Sounds familiar...It's the landline!") In Katie and Greg's words, no one calls the landline unless somebody's dead...or it's that computer that tries to trick you into thinking it's a real person."

It's Doris. She's been texting Katie, who hasn't seen any of the texts, so she's finally tried the landline. She's in labor and all alone, having sent the rest of her family to Aspen for Christmas. And she's "not giving birth alone like some teenage crack whore!" so Katie has to hurry on over to the hospital.

When Katie leaves, she demands Greg make the kids wait to open presents, so they can continue the family tradition of opening them together. This is easier said than done. So Greg resorts to locking himself in the office with the presents. ("Open the damn door, Greg!") The kids even try to fake an injury on Anna-Kat to get him to unlock the door. Fortunately, he's smart enough to demand that they "slide something under the door with her blood on it" first.

At the hospital, Doris is enjoying the deluxe "1% suite," when Greg and the kids arrive. Greg's decided that instead of waiting at home for Katie, they'll all be together at the hospital, and the kids can, therefore, open their presents. Since Doris is in the super-rich-person suite, there's plenty of stuff to fulfill the Christmas tradition - a fireplace, a fancy breakfast, even a nice Christmas tree.

Before they can start opening the presents, Doris's monitor begins beeping and they have to leave. (She's fine. Katie just unplugged the monitor to charge her phone!). In the waiting area, Taylor, who's mourning her breakup with Ayo, encourages Oliver to practice asking out the girl from ballet to the Nutcracker on the gift shop cashier. He fails miserably, several times, each time ending the conversation by grabbing a random nameplate key-chain and asking "If you don't have anything to do, would you like to...sell me this license plate key-chain?" On the third try, he finally succeeds in mentioning the nutcracker tickets. Only, this woman doesn't realize he's practicing and starts crying that her newly deceased mother used to take her and her sister to the Nutcracker every year and how Oliver's a Christmas angel. (Maybe she "won't turn back to drugs after all!") In an uncharacteristically
selfless moment for Oliver, he gives her the tickets.

While there, Greg runs into one of his re-enactor friends who's a doctor and gets him to take a look at his hands, which he's determined are turning blue and tingling. (Am I the only one who immediately recognized the doctor as Irwin from The Suite Life of Zach and Cody?)

Unfortunately, Dr. Not-Irwin seems to think that something is actually wrong with his hands. Blue and tingling could be gangrene. (At this, Anna-Kat gets quite excited at the prospect of amputation.

With it looking like Greg might actually be sick, Kate's left running between him and Doris. Katie leaves Angela on webcam to support Greg while she tries to reassure Doris that even though she's been kind of a horrible parent with her first three kids, this baby can be different. ("A do-over baby!")

While Katie's with Doris, Angela starts looking up Greg's symptoms on the internet, which Katie has banned Greg from trying. Angela finds where rubbing your hands on new jeans (which Greg has been doing) can cause the dye to come off and turn your hands blue. She tells Greg to try rubbing alcohol. Unsurprisingly, this takes the blue right off!

As Greg celebrates the fact that he's not about to lose his hands, Katie comes in, apologizing and vowing to be there for him when he needs her. Of course, he waits until the end of this apology to tell her he's fine.

The episode ends with Katie rushing off to be with Doris, who finally has her "do-over baby." Afterwards, she finds Greg and the kids ready to open presents in the waiting room, even though she'd caved and told them to go home and open presents without her. And Oliver asks out the girl from ballet. She says "okay."


Random Thoughts:
-The montage of the kids trying to rush through the Christmas traditions was hilarious.

-"I hope Santa brought me Volume Two of The Big Finish: Rich, Famous, and How They Died. I practically memorized Volume One!" I'm torn between absolutely loving Anna-Kat's strange interests and being completely terrified of her!

-Best quote goes to Doris. "I ruin my kids lives. They don't ruin mine!"

-I busted out laughing when Greg found Oliver hiding a present in his waistband. That's some creative thinking!

So, do you think Doris will really be any better with her "do-over baby? Is ballet girl actually going to go out with Oliver? Let me know below!

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