SpoilerTV - TV Spoilers

Claws - Self-Portrait - Review

“Self-Portrait” forces the “Claws” crew to take a long, hard look at themselves and try to figure out what they want out of life.

As the episode begins, Desna says that she was able to sleep soundly for the first time since Roller’s death and, indeed, things seem to finally be looking up for her. The Coombs are gone (she’s a little upset they were murdered instead of arrested, but Dean’s relief upon hearing the news is all the reassurance she needs), the book on Roller’s murder has been closed, she’s out from under Uncle Daddy’s thumb, and she’s finally gotten her dream salon. But after a verbal clawing match with the salon’s former staff, a retributory act of vandalism causes thousands of dollars in damages. Desna decides to get the cash she needs for the repairs and revenge on the Glint Nails girls by entering Nail-Palm – a nail design competition – and beating the Koreans at their own game.

But casting a pall on things is growing tension between her and BFF Jenn. Uncle Daddy dangles a beautiful house in a safe neighborhood with great school in front of Bryce and Jenn to try and get Bryce to keep working for him. Bryce, on Jenn’s orders, is all ready to turn it down, but Jenn has a moment of weakness where she seems to realize what this would mean for the girls and she lets him accept. Desna is disappointed in this decision and that sparks a series of fights between them, particularly after Jenn (perhaps in a subconscious act of self-harm or self-sabotage) hurts her thumb and is forced to drop out of the competition. And what makes this storyline so interesting is that they’re both right. Desna is correct that officially becoming a Dixie Mafia wife isn’t cause for celebration, and that it’s kinda bullshit that Bryce, like Roller, reaped oversized rewards for his work compared to her. On the other hand, Jenn is spot-on when she accuses Desna of being hypocritical about turning to crime to get ahead when she did the exact same thing, and when she calls Desna out on being jealous that Jenn got the type of house she has long promised to Dean.

It all seems to be squashed when Jenn’s pep talk from the sidelines when she freezes during the final round pushes Desna to win the competition and the cash. But the cliffhanger this week is Jenn accidentally finding out about Desna’s connection to the Coombs from a piece of art Dean made. And I don’t think she’s too happy to realize that her best friend set her husband up to commit murder.

Also causing problems, per usual, is Virginia. Her confidence that she’s fully in Desna’s crew takes a hit when she’s made an alternate for the competition (Quiet Ann, we learn, can do nails, although, as she says, she’s “better with legs”). This leaves Virginia susceptible to an offer from her roommate Relevance to make easy money dancing in silly costumes on a webcam. But when it turns out to be a sex scene and her co-star refuses to let her back out, she’s forced to call Desna for help (and, awesomely, the rescue involves Quiet Ann beating the hell out of the guy with a bat). Desna scolds a sobbing Virginia for putting herself at risk, but then – without telling her that Jenn’s hurt – bucks her up by saying that she’ll be competing for them the next day.

Lots of romance subplots this week too. Desna has a meet-cute with Gregory (Jimmy Jean-Louis, a.k.a. the Haitian from “Heroes”), a doctor who is basically the anti-Roller. Their first two dates are interrupted by various dramas, but it’s clear he’s smitten with her and he shows up to congratulate her when she wins Nail-Palm. Quiet Ann, meanwhile, has started an affair with that female police officer, but when it’s rumbled by her friends, they strongly advise her not to get involved with a cop. And they appear to be right as it seems her paramour is investigating Uncle Daddy. Finally, a love connection might be brewing between Polly and Dr. Ken after a conversation about stress (“You were nearly murdered by a co-worker; that would take its toll on anybody!”) leads to a slap that he finds more of a turn-on than therapeutic.

Not at all sexy is Roller’s ordeal in the swamp, as he’s repeatedly raped by a crazy artist who makes sculptures out of pubic hair, fancies him an English suitor, and uses a shock collar to control his actions. Being the player that he is, Roller quickly cottons on to how to manipulate her, but he’s still foiled before he can complete a call to Uncle Daddy. I know it’s too soon to throw Roller back into the hornet’s nest that is Palmetto, but I really hope the show doesn’t drag this gross weirdness (or weird grossness) out too long.

Now that I’ve nailed my review of this week’s “Claws,” come share your thoughts on “Self-Portrait” in the comments section.

Get Email Alerts

About The SpoilerTV Daily Newsreel

Every day 100's of items are submitted to us and we don't always have the time to make separate posts for the news and/or there is so much that it would quickly push all other items off the homepage.

So a result we've come up with the idea of the Newsreel, which will feature smaller shows and news items as they happen.

There will be a new Newsreel each day, and as news is added we will update the post and and push it back to the top of the site so that you can see that new items have been added. A tweet of the item will also be sent to our @SpoilerTV account.

New Items will be listed at the top of the article.

This will allow us to provide more news on more shows in a much more timely fashion
About Movie News Roundup

Rather that creating lots of new posts as new info is released and fragmenting the commentary, we thought it would be a good idea for the upcoming major movies to create a single post for each major movies that will collate all the info as it's posted.

New items will be added to the top of the list as well as the post being re-posted back to the top of the homepage when a new item is added. We will additionally send out a fresh tweet alerting you of the new information.

This will allow you to bookmark this page so that you can return to it whenever you like. It will also help consolidate all the discussion on this movie in a central place and make it less likely that you'll miss some key information.

Here at SpoilerTV we allow you to personalize your experience by allowing you to customize various items on the site. Close the popup to save your changes

Background Colour Picker
Enter the HEX Code of the colour you would like to use as a background. To get a HEX code goto the colour picker and pick your color then paste in the # number including the # at the front. eg #000000 is black #ffffff is white

Thumbnail Type
Rounded Sharp Circle
Square None Grid3 Grid2 Card
Theme Color
Light (Default)
Unread Indicator
Unread Off (Default)
Unread On

Full or Minimal
Full (Default)
Banner Selector
All you need to do is to put a link to your banner in the box below and press the Click Button. (For best results your image should be 1090px wide and 200px high.). We have more banners in our Banner Gallery here.

Enter the URL of your Image or pick from one below