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Scream Queens - Warts and All - Review: "Five Alive"

The second episode of Scream Queen's sophomore season opened with a farcical investigation that makes Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash) look like Sherlock Holmes. Chanel #5 (Abigail Breslin) thankfully survived last week's closing minutes attack, so of course she became the prime suspect. Breslin as always brought such humour, even if only sighing or with her body language. Unsurprisingly, nobody seemed to believe #5's story of events, causing her to further be the outcast of the show, perhaps even more so than Hester (Lea Michelle). I figure that if you'd survived a massacre recently, you would believe a fellow survivor's claims about one happening again, but apparently not. They know first-hand that these things do happen in life, though the explanation for their rejection may have been denial or simply because of their low opinions of #5.

Mean Girls meets Fantastic Four.
So what went down in the episode? Quite a lot actually. For a start, #5 found herself a love-interest played by Colton Haynes. Tyler was a young man with tumours all over his body, causing him to look like a puberty-stricken version of The Thing from Fantastic Four, and therefore yet another grossly interesting patient for the hospital. He soon found an admirer in Chanel #5, though at first her interest was purely a vain one, at the thought of getting the male back to his hot pre-tumours appearance. For once it was nice to see the unlucky-in-love lady having some male attention, enforced further when she mentions her High School boyfriend was imaginary. I was aware Haynes was only guest-star, though I expected he'd last another episode or so, allowing us to see #5 happily with a hot boyfriend, before an inevitable death or break-up. Nobody surely expected she'd end up happy for long, right? The show loves to shit on her, and I love yet hate that. The relationship will no doubt impact on #5 for episodes to come though, even though Tyler became a fatality. Hearing some guys saying that Tyler looked like "the insides of a haemorrhoid-infested butt", #5 finally stood up for herself and what she wanted. Some fans may argue she was being vain and only wanted to impress the soon-to-be-hot Tyler, but by mentioning her vagina teeth, it's likely the rant and violent outburst, were representative of her fighting back in general; against those jerks, against Chanel, against society. I for one, want more of this confident, go-getter #5 and expect more will come.

Chanel is one lucky girl indeed.
Whilst some fans will be overjoyed with #5's return, others may not be so thankful. Most fans will probably have enjoyed the episode because of the return of Chad Radwell (Glen Powell) though. He was reintroduced as jokingly being the Red Devil who viewers assumed was going to kill the Chanels in last season's finale. I've always been a bit of a Chad fan, though I'm not saying he's a great role model or anything, so I was thrilled to see him return. As with last season, he provided a few laughs, one being the mention of the band he fronts, who are called Gold Plated Nutsack. It's a little immature but that's part of the show's general humour. Chad's return made me a little conflicted however, as I no longer know who to ship him with. Towards the end of the first season, I was an avid fan of Chad being with Denise (Niecy Nash) who appeared again for a brief scene in this episode. Determined to win back Chanel (Emma Roberts), season two Chad made me wonder if I should be shipping this pairing instead. Decisions, decisions. Either way, the guy came back hotter. Way hotter, and I doubt anyone will be complaining about that. Who doesn't love a nude Glen Powell v. nude John Stamos scene?

What will his hand do next?
Speaking of Dr. Brock, I pointed out last week that his transplanted hand would surely belong to someone infamous and probably violent, and I was right. After doing some digging, Chad discovers that the hand belonged to a squash-champion serial killer, and confronts our favourite doc. Although not confirming that it's the right guy, Brock does respond to Chad's claims of it being a serial killer's hand with "now you know my secret". Evidently it did belong to a serial killer, though it may not be the squash champ's. The hand itself was all weird and uncontrollable again in this episode, particularly towards Chanel. Funnily enough, the young woman goes to see "The Hand", a movie about a man with an out of control hand, with Brock, and it's whilst watching this that the hand gets a little touchy. Some people may have noticed that the movie was a double-feature with "Pieces", which may be foreshadowing for either Brock or Chanel ending up literally in pieces by the end of the season, or maybe Brock's hand will cut people to pieces. We'll have to wait and see.

Although hinting at the show's future reveals, this episode also revealed more details about the 1980's hospital drama. A year after Dr. Mike (Jerry O'Connell) and Nurse Thomas (Laura Bell Bundy) dumped a body in a swamp, the Green Devil came and slaughtered all the staff, including said murderers themselves. Or so we're supposed to believe. This was uncovered by Zayday (Keke Palmer) who also played investigator towards Cathy Munsch (Jamie-Lee Curtis) too. Last week the show made it somewhat known that Munsch was harbouring a secret agenda in opening the hospital and this week we found out why. She explained to Zayday that she "didn't start this hospital because [she] give[s] a rats ass about the American healthcare system. [She] started it to find out what this disease is before it kills [her]". Zayday does some research and believes that Munsch has developed a cannibal disease which will kill her within a few months. Apparently the mature woman ate part of a dead body whilst accidentally in New Guinea, hmm. This is typical over-the-top Scream Queens ridiculousness but it was funny, I have to admit.
Who is it?

The trainee doctor had a little help from a potential new love-interest, and so in arguably typical horror fashion, Zayday was pushed together with yet another black man. For some reason she's connected to the name Earl, with her love-interest last season being the late Earl Grey (Lucien Laviscount) and this season potentially being linked to Chamberlain Jackson (James Earl). The pair do make a cute couple, though I am wondering if the male is perhaps going to be gay. There's been no prominent gay men on the show (Boone was just pretending if I remember rightly), and his cupboard of props was very camp indeed. It's a possibility, at least.

Boone may not be appearing this season, but that doesn't stop his crazy twin from doing so. Although we saw her in the season premiere, in an hilarious but short scene, Hester (Lea Michele) was properly brought back this week, and in the present. Paying homage to Silence of the Lambs, Chanel and others visited the locked-up serial killer to ask for information on the new killer. As weird and strange as ever, Hester seemed to know quite a lot about the Green Devil, though she's keeping hush hush, for now. With a list of near-impossible demands to be met before she speaks, it'll may be a while before we see the kooky girl again.

Quote of the Week:
"You can fight over Chanel's breasts later. Though it would be sort of like going to war over the Falklands; lot of work for a relatively small and insignificant amount of land". - Cathy Munsch.
Performer of the Week:
 Glen Powell. I wasn't expecting to be so thankful for his return, but I truly was. He's such a joy to watch, even as the annoyingly overly-confident Chad Radwell. I just hope Powell stays around for a while, as he's the best male eye candy the show has to offer. 
Those who read my review of last week's season premiere may remember that I was disappointed that this season wasn't set in a summer camp. This episode finally made me appreciate the hospital setting though, and brought me some of that 80's campness I was longing for. The scene with Chanel working on the reception desk at night just screamed of Halloween 2 and a little Nightmare on Elm Street, whilst Cathy Munsch's run in with The Green Devil also showed the potential of the new setting. It's the dark and lonely corridor scenes which, for me personally, are so creepy and enjoyable. This episode gave me the laughs, chills and hotness that last week perhaps could've given me more of. Hopefully it'll only get better.

Scream Queens continues next Tuesday with "Handidates", but before then let's discuss theories and thoughts in the comments section below.

About the Author - JOEL LEAVER
Joel is a British student who loves all things camp or horror. He is often obsessed with TV shows created by Ryan Murphy, and cites Glee as his favourite show of all time. His other favourite shows, not including those created by Ryan Murphy, include Scandal, Desperate Housewives, Game of Thrones, Scream the TV series, Nashville and Pretty Little Liars - to name just a few. During the 2016 - 2017 season, he will be reviewing Feud, Ransom, Scream Queens and The Exorcist. Feel free to contact him via Twitter.
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