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Pretty Little Liars- A Dark Ali Review: "Stand for Something or Fall for Anything"

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We learned a lot of interesting new information on last night's episode of Pretty Little Liars, and it also looks like the beautiful beginnings of some new and unexpected teams are taking shape.

We picked up immediately where last week's episode left off, with Ali's "kidnapper," named Cyrus...which is one of the least kidnappery names I've ever heard... being detained in police custody while she stood there trying to decide whether or not she should add this man to the list of lives she's wrecked too. It would be simple enough to convict him, seeing as how his story lines up with the one Ali made up somehow, but instead of identifying him Alison simply says she doesn't know if he's the guy...probably because there IS no guy.

The girls had a pretty little pow-wow after the police were finished with Ali and everyone minus Ali seemed keen on her NOT ruining his life. They all feel the plot has -A written all over it and if Alison says he did it then she'll be walking right into the trap. Ali's more concerned with finding -A, however, and wants to let Cyrus take the fall in hopes of him eventually snitching on -A.

Once the girls leave they all elect Emily to go back and convince Ali to FOR ONCE do the right thing and not turn Cyrus in because she's the hardest to disappoint and Ali likes her pouty, soft lips (ok I made that last part up). Em did her best to talk some sense into Ali, but unfortunately she hasn't realized that Ali's, like, allergic to sense...I'm talking Thomas-J-My-Girl allergic. Mr. D. walks in while they're talking and tries to get Ali to do the complete opposite and Em just stands there like:

At the Montgomery house, Ella is sitting around in her tattered wedding dress with mascara dripping from her eyes, downing boxed wine and listening to Lana del Rey when Aria says "ENOUGH!" and tries to feed her. Ella wastes the perfectly good food Aria ordered for her and instead just goes into the typical breakup monologue about how she should have seen the Hanna situation coming and admitting that she ignored prior signs.

Meanwhile, Hanna is at Caleb's place and she's still just completely over Ali's bull. She's also over the roaches because she's cleaning up Caleb's bachelor pad. She expresses wanting to feel like a normal teenager because who wouldn't prefer to stress over auditions and tests as opposed to being murdered or made to eat way too many piggy cupcakes? Hanna decides to audition for a school play and get she and Caleb in shape as her first steps to normal teendom recovery.

Emily and Spencer are on the phone trying to devise a plan and Spence realizes that Noel's recording of Ali is missing from her super secret hiding spot...which is under a sofa cushion.

Spencer the smart one everybody!

Naturally, while Spencer is freaking out over the recording, Melissa walks in to check on her. At that same moment, -A calls and lets Noel's tape of Ali play and we find out where that tape went. Shortly after, Spence gets a text: "Checkmate. -A". Remember that -A scene when -A stole something from Spencer's room and we didn't see what? I'm guessing that was what.

Spencer tries to find Hanna to let her know what happened. It turns out she and Caleb are on a run together and Spencer didn't fully understand that Mrs. Marin was being literal when she told her that. Hanna, however, just wants to get her run on and purge her body of all the liquor so as soon as Spencer starts talking Ali, Hanna peaces out and runs away.

Spencer tries her luck with Aria last because no one wants to go to Aria first. They review the surveillance from Spencer's backyard and find Melissa meeting up with someone, handing them a package and saying "Do it. Just do it." Spence says the recording was taken less than 24 hours before Cyrus confessed to the police and thinks that the someone Melissa is meeting with is him. She also mentions Melissa likes chess and could have sent the "checkmate" text. She's also ready to cut the cord with Ali because:

Aria left her poor wreck of a mother to go see Ezra, wherein we realize she's not just a terrible friend, she's a terrible friend AND daughter. She caught Ezra up on all the action and makes him promise-promise not to speak to Ali, so we know it won't be long before he speaks to Ali.

At school, Hanna is waiting to audition for the play and hears Mona doing some Beyonce runs from behind her. After about 20 minutes of that shit Hanna tells her to shut up and they prepare to go in for their audition. Just as Mona gets up, she passes out and asks Hanna for her purse when she comes to. Hanna takes a peek inside (good girl!) and what does she find? Cyrus' mugshot!

Emily's still busy trying to convince Alison to be a decent person and Ali uses the moment to reveal that Cyrus is responsible for the big scar on her inner thigh that Hanna spotted earlier in the season, but she doesn't know how -A found him. Her story is that the 2 were living in an abandoned basement together and she liked him, but he only liked her stuff. One night she caught him stealing from her and confronted him and he cut her with a knife. We're also treated to some interesting looking flashbacks...they don't have the dreamy quality that the others always do. Could they be made up? More importantly, does Emily buy the sob story?

Ali and her dad are at a coffee shop when who spots them other than Ezra, who completely disregards what he told Aria 10 minutes ago and goes over to talk to her. Apparently it's Rosewood's designated coffee break time because Aria happens to walk in as well and sees Ezra at the table. He's not there long before Mr. DiLaurentis comes puts the kibosh on the convo.

Hanna catches Mona in her car spying at the police station and confronts her. Mona admits to suffering from panic attacks since Ali's come home and said that's what caused her to pass out at school. She's noticed that Ali's return is having its effects on both of them and that she's there to find out who set Cyrus up. Mona swears she's not involved in the Cyrus plot, but then how did she even know about him in the first place? Just Mona things I guess. The two then see Detective Get Shit Done, Mr. D and Ali get into a car, but Mona says she's there to track Cyrus. I just want to know where the hell all the money for this high-tech spy gear comes from.

Back at Casa de Hastings, Spencer has decided to confront her sister...again. Melissa admits that she only helped Mona to prove that Ali is as toxic and Ali-ish as ever and that she doesn't want Spencer standing too close when her lies blow up in her face. It turns out she's leaving again, but this time offers for Spencer to go with her, since it's too dangerous for them in Rosewood...the whole time though, no one mentioned WHY!

It turns out Ali, her dad and the detective are headed to the basement that Cyrus admitted to "holding" her hostage at, which is apparently also the same basement that she was stabbed in, and it's there that Ali confesses that she remembers the place and Cyrus from her "kidnapping."

Mona and Hanna overhear Detective Get Shit done telling Rosewood PD not to release Cyrus, but we later find out that the call came in 10 minutes too late and that Cyrus had taken off by that time. Although the girls don't know who helped him, the audience is let in on a secret...Vivian Darkbloom (aka Ali in a wig) met Cyrus and gave him tickets to leave town. She also threatened him and said this is his one chance to start over because she can find him again, need be.

Em is NOT a happy camper when she finds out Ali lied to her and tells her that she's DONE DONE. We all know what a woman means when she says she's done. WAY TO GO EM!!!!

This week's -A ending showed -A watching a dog show and packing up its belongings, including a candy striper uniform. Keeping in mind all of our girls, including Alison, have worn it in the past, any theories on who this could be?

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought of the episode below!

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