***Updated with my own attempt at the green idea I had in my head! :)
Welcome to the final stretch the the 6th annual Hellatus! Congratulations for making it this far (although statistics show that a rather formidable number of people DROP DEAD of anxiety at an exponential rate the closer we get to the premiere) so ladies and gentlemen, for the love of Castiel please remain calm. Arguably a lot of Supefans are completely unaware of the actual meaning of the word calm! Can you believe that!? 45% of Supefans don't know how to chill out when it comes to finally seeing the counterpart of last season's cliffhanger! Actually, it seems I've read that wrong... take the 4 and replace it with a 9. Ok so that explains a lot. Well, if you guys need a metaphorical (or in certain not-necessarily-isolated incidents a literal) chill pill, please proceed to stare at this picture I have posted for your calming pleasure:
This is a sleeping manatee. This fellow here is as calm as a sleeping manatee. Just chillaxing in the clear waters. Ahhhh, fresh low tidewaters.
Not calm enough for you? Well, you probably need to deal with that in a societal-psychological way, but since you're here already, I'll try another picture:
This is Hobbes the ****ing Tiger. He is totally upset by everyone being so distraught because of how intense a certain CW supernatural drama is. ( Hobbes: "I Know, DELENA is NEVER going to happen! You need to deal with this and get on with your life, man!!!") Oh and also he thinks the premiere of Supernatural is nigh, so instead of chewing on the carpet in anticipation for the next 130 hours (thats roughly how many hours you have to wait to see what happens to Castiel and all the souls he sank down his gullet like a bag of hamburgers!) stay here with the semi-sane people and check out the third device for traumatizing, I mean tantalizing, I mean tranquilizing your immediate need for all things supernatural!
This is just me looking out for you, ok? I know someone who can help with these sort of things...ok that was a pretty blatant lie...but I had to transition seamlessly from Hobbes and TVD to the awful(ly damn good) things that we've all gone through! Like that time when a character literally smiled at the camera and vanished FOREVER and we're like "WHAT THE CHUCK!?" and had to restrain ourselves from rewatching the entire last 2 seasons to make sure we didn't miss something like someone pointing out that God might actually show his face on this series... Or that time the Impala got totalled...AGAIN.
These are tragedies when it comes to maintaining a minimal functioning normal life outside of blindly staring at the tv searching for what the next season will bring us! So instead of making a lengthy post that reminds us of every time someone killed a Winchester, or every time Meg said the word "meatsuit" in a most sinewy way that made us clench our collective guts in agony, or when we found out about the lack of toilet paper in the future (DEAR GOD WHAT WILL WE DO!?) I've decided to distract you from all this torment and anguish to reflect on what the last 6 title cards were, and to guess what could happen this year!
Season 1: We get the glitchy, sort've neutral "SUPERNTURAL" title card.
Season 2: An explosive fire title card complete with pentagram.
Season 3: A very polished dark and cloudy title card with the devil's trap flashing in and out with some stainless steel text
Season 4: crows flock off and a blood red title card skirts in with a shriek in the background
Season 5: an explosion of BLOOD in what remains as my personal favorite and the most intense title card yet
Season 6: Glass exploding towards you AWESOMELY
SEASON 7:
I suppose I'll take a few guesses to get the ball rolling here:
Version 1: a drunk guy belches loudly as a beer falls towards the audience. An explosion of hops and alcohol!
Version 2: A group of sillhouette-d teenagers sing a god-awful musical only to be ripped apart by a looming monster. Their screams culminate in a black-and-white explosion of gore
OK I got no more comedic ones, but here's some thought:
This year it could be GREEN somehow. That would be weird, no?
Like grass growing? nah... Maybe... Ugmmmmmm I don't know.
ORANGE? we haven't seen that color yet.
Although They seem to prefer re-using variants of red (season 5, season 2...even if it's pretty yellow, season 4) and blue (season 1, season 3, season 6) so maybe it'll be another red one this year? Like ...I don't know. lol
How about periwinkle? That's an interesting one. And a variant of blue. I'm sure they could make it work.
Anyway, do YOU have any idea what the new title card will look like this season? I think I'm more excited about that than I am about the preceding opening scene to be honest!
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