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Posted by Dahne1 at Friday, June 28, 2013 5 CommentsDH Reviews Teen Wolf
Previously - Eternally Doomed Teacher (EDT) found out werewolves exist but decided Derek was irresistible anyway, Alphas came to town, Derek's previously dead sister Cora was alive and hungry, Derek bit Mrs. Argent to save Scott, Isaac's dad deserved his death, Horny Teen died, and a serial killer came to Beacon Hills because things there aren't freaky enough as it is.
Stiles however freaks out over virgin-killing serial killers as evidenced by the many, many times he shouts "virgin" in the boys' locker room. He asks Scott if Unknown looked like a virgin and thus fits the pattern. Not quite sure how someone looks like a virgin, Stiles. Scott snarks back about sleeping with all the clinic's clients. Scott and I laugh. Stiles not so much. So Scott reassures him that missing does not equal dead. Come on buddy, this is Beacon Hills. Of course he's dead. Stiles won't let this conversation go anytime soon. Stiles: "You know who else is a virgin? Me. I'm a virgin okay and you know what that means? It means that my lack of sexual experience is now literally a threat to my life." Only on MTV folks. Stiles loudly declares that he has to have sex "right now," at which time Danny joins the fun. Ha! He warns Stiles though, "I like to cuddle." Stiles: "That was so sweet. Are you kidding?" Danny: "Yes. I'm kidding." Stiles: "You know you don't toy with a guy's emotions like that." This whole scene is fabulously well-played and I chortle at Stiles and Danny's facial expressions. Plus Stiles stops shouting "virgin" so it's all good. Coach stops the fun as Isaac joins cross country practice. Hmm, must be the lacrosse off season. Coach explains that cross country is mandatory to keep from getting flabby, but it's real purpose is to slow pan half naked lacrosse team members. Flabby is not an issue. The Alpha Twins have joined the team and Isaac takes off after them because that is such a great plan! Scott reluctantly follows. This slow motion chase scene is sponsored by Nike. Coldcocking Isaac, the twins read from the Cheesy Villains Handbook but Scott punches one before they get too far. Thanks Scott. Everyone wolfs out and growls out at each other, but human screaming wins the match.
deeply angsts over her tragic childhood and complains about Derek's leadership skills. Derek: "Sorry to disappoint you." Yikes, Derek replaces Jackson as this year's punching bag. The emo fest is delightfully interrupted by Derek's homemade intruder alarm. Yep, it's an alpha invasion. Elevator Alpha enters and Cora rushes him because Derek's surrounded by idiots. She's instantly taken down and it looks like there will be a fair fight between him and Derek when Shoeless strolls in too. Still no sandals lady? Derek and she have an awesome first round but then she pulls a pipe from the ceiling and Derek's down far too easily. He is an alpha too right? Derek gets rebarred through the chest as Deucalion makes a grand entrance. "Is everybody done because just listening to that was exhausting?" Ha! Bonus points for snark but deductions for starting a villain monologue. Meanwhile, Deucalion's buddy, Duplicitous Guidance Counselor (DGC) is now also the French teacher. Allison's French teacher to be exact. That's got to be uncomfortable…or maybe not since Allison's sound asleep. DGC and Allison have a standoff about sharing info as neither is willing to explain their illegal bank activities. However the word of the day is impasse. These vocabulary lessons used to drive me nuts but now I just laugh, especially when we move to Science class to learn the difference between inertia and momentum. Isaac needs to learn impulse control instead. He senses the twins in the hall and excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Sadly, when Scott goes to follow Mr. Harris vividly describes how much that is NOT going to happen. Things turn baffling when one twin starts beating up the other in the hallway. Can you say setup? Isaac is blamed for fighting. Finally smart werewolves.
Instead it's on to werewolf proposals. Shoeless calls Deucalion "Duke" and tells him to speed up the
monologue before it's too late for Derek to heal from the extra hole she's giving him. Duke instead riffs on how being the Alpha in an alpha pack is hard. Everyone wants to be boss. Duke: "Me, I'm more about discovering new talents…like you." Derek: "Not interested." Duke: "But you haven't even heard my pitch." No offense buddy but if you skewer potential recruits, no one's going to be interested in joining your army. Derek won't kill his pack. Duke says no problem - he just needs to kill one. His newly awakened lust for power will do the rest. Duke: "You really want to stay beholden to a couple of maladjusted teenagers who're bound to become a liability and believe me, they will become a liability. In fact, I've a feeling one of them's getting himself into trouble right now." Nice segue Duke right into lunch detention where Isaac protests to Harris about restocking the janitor's closet with Allison. Mr. Harris has no sympathy because he's evil. Of course, it wouldn't matter if this school actually had a discipline plan. Urgh! They do apparently have a truancy policy though because Boyd is back to honor Unknown's memory at a makeshift locker memorial. They were in JROTC together. Stiles is shocked to see him. Boyd: "Yeah I would have told you but we're not actually friends." Ha! Sad that Boyd's only friend was Erica and she's dead. Yes, that's the second confirmation Erica is dead. Give it up dreamers. Hope is no longer alive.
He's not the only one with problems though because as Isaac and Scott brag about Aidan's suspension, the Alpha Twins show up in the hallway for a good old-fashioned standoff. The brothers strip off their shirts Teen Wolf style and morph into one superwolf. Their faces seam together in an awesome effect with a weird tattooed symbol in the middle. Cool! Isaac is on drugs or something because he thinks they can take them. Scott and I trade, "Are you nuts?" looks as he pulls Isaac away. Sadly superwolf is faster and they go flying down the hall, right next to Duke who is none too pleased. The twins demorph as Deucalion takes off the tip of his cane to reveal a blade which he swiftly flicks across the twins' faces. They do nothing but follow him out. Isaac: "Who the hell is that?" At the same time VetBoss, Stiles, and Lydia arrive too late to save Harris. Luckily he left a clue in the test grades. They spell out Darach, which is a druid that goes rogue. It means dark oak. Our serial killer now has a nickname. Too bad Isaac no longer has a home. Derek kicks him out but refuses to tell him why. Come on Derek. You learned better than that last season. Now Isaac thinks he did something wrong and there's broken trust in the pack again. No good comes from this. To finally convince Isaac to leave, Derek heaves a bottle at his head, just like his dad did the night Isaac left. Isaac flees to Scott's house, while Cora looks on. Still Mr. Harris is the big loser of the night. He knows who Darach is. He apparently helped him or her, but that doesn't keep him from being strung to a tree and garroted. Chanting and lightning abound as the credits come up.
Most Intense Scene - Isaac trapped in the janitor's closet
Most Interesting Questions - Who is Darach? What does Darach gain by completing this ritual?
MVP - Deaton. Glad he's sharing his specialized info now.
Best Reason to Watch - the mystery of Darach
Best Lines -
Stiles: "You know I guess you probably heard that people are kind of getting murdered again and it's his job to figure it out." Deaton: "Gathered as much from the sheriff title."
Stiles: "Scott, your eyes turn into yellow glow sticks okay. Hair literally grows from your cheeks and then immediately disappears and if I were to stab you right now, it would just magically heal. But you're telling me you're having trouble grasping human sacrifices?" Scott: "That's a good point too."
Boyd: "Yeah I would have told you but we're not actually friends."
Allison: "Could I ask you a question?" Isaac: "Do you have to?"
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