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Previously on Teen Wolf, Scott and Allison emoangsted about their stamina in keeping apart and how truly awful their commitment to being the single most star-crossed couple on TV was, Derek held the exposition baton to explain that Alphas are powerfully scary, a blind dude (Deucalion) ruled them all, some kick butt, motorcycle stunt driver chick saved Isaac providing the premiere's biggest questions, and she gave Allison and Lydia bruise tattoo clues because she's awesome that way. Here's hoping she's not actually dead because she's the most intriguing character so far this season.

Instead of focusing on the super cool Mystery Motorcyclist Chick (MMC for short or until she gets a name), we pan in on Lydia and Alison's matching bruises now brilliantly outlined in pen by Lydia. Nothing screams, "I'm bored" quite like highlighting your bruises. They argue about whether it means something but hey it's a genre show…it always means something. We are however spared an etymology lesson about the origin of the word bruise, so it's a win all around. Stiles and Scott may want to consult a thesaurus though since they have a 5 second conversation that includes the word "what" 7 times. Who's on first? Apparently Stiles is trying to cheer up Mr. Gloomy by hitting a party of a childhood friend. At this point I think Stiles and Lydia should go and leave the two gloompusses in their own Plath-filled Twilight angst fest but hey, Stiles is a better friend than I am. He's trying. I would Gibbs-slap Scott out of his funk. Stiles' plan works though and they agree to be Lydia and Allison free all night. It should last approximately one commercial break. They do the secret best friend hand slap but Stiles gets friend demerits by not checking Derek's breath or having gum on hand for any halitosis emergencies.

Stiles' friend Heather apparently invited him for a booty call because she refuses to be a 17 year old virgin.  Word to the Wise Friend has it right, girl. First time is never on the plus side. Why ruin your birthday? I like W2W Friend; she eye rolls in all the right places. Still no one listens to wisdom after a few rounds of beer pong, so Stiles is shocked when she greets him with a kiss. They're after some "wine" and poor Scott is left alone in a party of strangers. First time I've felt sorry for you this season, buddy. That sucks out loud, especially when W2W rejects you. Scott is of course saved when his phone rings. It's….Allison. I know you're shocked too. They didn't even get to the commercial break. Meanwhile Heather lays her seductive trap for Stiles among the wine, which goes basically like "I don't want to be a virgin. Let's do it. You wanna?" Stiles wanna. Their romantic interlude is stymied by lack of a condom, which has me wondering what teenager goes to a party sans condom. He may not think he's going to have sex, but safety first folks. Yet it is Ye Olde Condom of Plot Device, so commonsense be damned. How else could they get the horny girl alone in the basement AND give us Stiles comedy? Don't worry though all the future horror and fun grinds to a screaming halt so Scott and Allison can trade brooding looks over the Bruise of Impending Doom. Luckily Teen Wolf keeps its contract with me where no woeful, tragic love fest can last longer than 1 minute and this one is shorter than most. We quickly return to Stiles ransacking the tiny bathroom. He scores only to get mired in self-doubt since the box says XXL. Not that Miss Heather is going to mind since she is currently alone in the basement….barefoot. Nothing good comes of barefooted horny teens in spookily lit places. 250 broken wine bottles and one self-opening window later, bye bye Heather. See you in wolf form later? Running is always better than screaming but of course when the whole thing's in your head, perhaps neither work. A disappointed Stiles heads to the basement to find only a missing shoe - no glass, no girl.

A post-title sequence Isaac frets over the current bad idea. Isaac: "You know I'm starting not to like this idea. It sounds kind of dangerous." And being a werewolf is good for your health? Derek is his normal reassuring self meaning that even I'm getting scared. Isaac's my favorite werewolf and I'm terrified he'll die this season. They go through a whole "I don't trust him" song and dance to build suspense but anyone who doesn't know it's Peter hasn't been paying attention. Isaac: "I still don't like him." Derek: "Nobody likes him." Ha! Not sure I agree with you, but I'm on your side here. Speaking of, hello Peter. Missed you in the premiere. I don't trust you either. Peter: "Boys, FYI…yes coming back from the dead has left my abilities somewhat impaired but the hearing still works, so I hope you're comfortable saying whatever it is that you're feeling straight to my face." Derek: "We don't like you. Now shut up and help us." BWAAAHHH!!!! Best delivery of a line ever! Man I love this show. Peter shows his claws and scratches where the alphas scratched Isaac last time in order to dredge up whatever memories they took away from Isaac. Yeah this makes absolutely no sense but hey, it's Teen Wolf. Go with it. Peter gets sick pleasure in making Isaac very nervous while telling him he has to be calm. I get sick pleasure in watching this scene. Fabulous acting. Peter's eyes turn blue for some reason and apparently Isaac has glaucoma because everything is so fuzzy you can't see anything. Shadows take another shadow somewhere and Deucalion was there. Luckily his hearing was sharp or we wouldn't have the dun dun dun moment - "Time is running out." They have until the next full moon, which of course in time honored horror style is tomorrow.

Later at the school where Derek obviously has an all access pass since he comes and goes as he pleases even in a decade of tightened school security, he takes up Lydia's mantra and tells Scott, Allison, and Lydia that the obvious Bruise of Impending Doom means nothing. After all how many MMC's grab someone's arm placing her fingers just right to imprint vital information on somebody's ex? Lydia agrees and gives us our word of the day. (Did everyone use ephemeral in a sentence last week?) Pareidolia means thinking random things are important…and you thought we skipped the English lesson this episode, huh? Scott says they're trying to help but Derek recaps his major issues with Lydia and Allison. Derek: "This one who used me to resurrect my psychotic uncle…thank you, and this one who shot about 30 arrows into me and my pack." Stiles (didn't see you there buddy): "No one died alright. Look there may have been a little maiming, okay a little mangling but no death. That's what I call an important distinction." Um…uh, yeah got to go with Derek on this one. Allison and Derek front off and I want one of those surprise bird attacks from last episode to cut off the conversation. Instead Derek issues a challenge and you know that is going to suck out loud for all of us. Derek tries to leave but nope, Scott stops him to start the Kumbaya since they are all on the same side now…loosely. Derek counters by telling Scott to tell Allison the truth about her mom trying to kill him. Personally I think that's a bit heavy to start with in your slow crawl to couple hood again, but angst rules these days.

Derek and Stiles continue their tradition of talking about all things werewolf in the middle of the freaking hall, but are stopped by the Wolf Twin's entrance. If I were a powerful alpha werewolf my number one goal would be to go to high school again. Of course this high school has Coach, that evil twisted paragon of funny who makes me cringe and snicker, so yeah it's plausible. Scott raises his hand to answer a question about risk and reward, but given his stellar academic performance last season, Coach tells him he can go to the bathroom. Bwah! I love this guy. In the time honored high school tradition of teaching students how to play quarters, Coach asks for a coin and Stiles dies of embarrassment when Ye Olde Condom of Plot Device soars out of his pocket and onto the floor. Hey buddy, at least it wasn't on the Disney red carpet. Could be worse. Coach: "Stilinski I think you dropped this. Congratulations." I laugh until I snort and tears roll down my cheeks. Coach makes all things better. Danny is THAT kid who quibbles over the semantics of pop quiz, Scott passes on taking a risk, but Stiles embraces the risk vs. reward lesson. Sadly his dad interrupts his future college party profession to say Heather is missing. Comedy ensues though when poor off-camera Greenberg wants to take a shot, the Wilson of Teen Wolf. Coach: "Greenberg put your hand down. You don't have a chance." Ha! Never one to pass on a challenge, Allison diligently pursues the Bruise of Impending Doom while Lydia diligently pursues the Wolf Twins. I think Lydia should pursue chastity or a good dating service since she always screws the monster boys. She's got a little competition from Danny though who might also want to tune up his monster radar. Sunnydale has nothing on Beacon Hills on the "oops you're dating a monster" front.

Meanwhile Stiles worries over Heather, his preschool bathing buddy, but neither Scott nor Stiles has a clue what's going on. Join the club boys. New and improved Scott knows someone who might though and 3 seconds later there is a bathtub full of ice. Huh? This show lives to confuse but the shot panning through the tub water was awesome! Kudos to the director and welcome Vet Boss, you are always a delight. Plan B is to freeze Isaac near death to put him in a trance. Didn't know you could get that cold in a bathtub, but if I were Isaac I'd join Jackson in London. He's this year's punching bag. Derek and Scott are concerned; Isaac wants to make sure it's safe. Doc: "Do you want me to answer honestly?" Yikes! The pulsing electronica music of increased anxiety doesn't even slow down enough for me to laugh at Stiles being an idiot. It's like a hospital monitor put through a synthesizer. Argh! Derek: "Look if it feels too risky, you don't have to do this." Aww, I like new and improved Derek. Isaac responds by getting half naked. It's the Teen Wolf hero way. Derek, Scott, and Stiles hold a partially wolfed out Isaac underwater and there's another awesome shot of Isaac's body slowing rising in the water. Doc asks about Erica and Boyd but apparently werewolves have the same abilities as ghosts, and the lights start flickering in Isaac's distress. I'm guessing the thunder claps are coincidence or else betas should take their show on the road. (Note - Isaac does a good vampire impersonation with that pale skin and chiseled cheekbones. Derek on the other hand is very hairy.) Isaac says Erica and Boyd are afraid of killing each other on the full moon, and they're being kept in a bank vault. Everyone stares at him and I get the feeling I've missed something too. Thankfully Stiles fills us in. Shoeless Wolf dragged Isaac into a room with Erica's body. SPOILER SPOILER - I saw the picture Gage posted so I am very suspicious of this turn of events. Smart way to get around not having her on set though. Derek refuses to believe Erica's dead; guess he saw the picture too. END SPOILER

The intrepid quintet brainstorm to make sense of it all and conclude that the alphas have more werewolves than just Erica and Boyd. I'm guessing Heather, but maybe she's become a squid monster instead. Bottom line - they have to save the wolflets before the full moon rises and it becomes "Werewolf Thunderdome." Stiles words, not mine. Doc suggests strategy but that never works anyway so I say rush headlong into danger Derek. Stiles comes up with a bank robbery save though and says Google won't let them down. He's wrong. A printer goes amuck while Sheriff Dad tries to wake a sleeping Stiles and Scott. No word on Heather but Scott has hope it will all work out. Stiles: "Is this whole like remain optimistic in the face of complete and utter disaster thing a part of the be a better Scott McCall program?" Ha! Maybe I should subscribe to that plan because it sure is lucky. Stiles has the exact printout they need in his hands. Sheriff Dad worked the bank robbery case. Since he's the SHERIFF, I'm not sure why they didn't go to him first. They certainly used dear old dad as a resource in seasons one and two. Librarian PSA - The internet is not always the best source for reliable, relevant information. Other sources can be valid too, like an expert in his field.

Meanwhile Allison's still schlepping Lydia to school after the deer incident last week, but she scoffs at
Allison's effective research. Lydia: "So mystery girl leaves a bruise on our arm that turns out to be the logo for a bank. What's she trying to do? Give us investment advice." Mock now Lydia, but while you're asleep, best friend's doing her best to get killed. Well after she catches us up on the exposition we learned earlier of course. Allison has her own bank entry plan, which includes bolt cutters. Somehow I don't think that's what her dad had in mind when he told her to get a new non-hunting hobby. Now Allison, you and I both want you to become the kick butt hunter we both know you are destined to be, but criminal issues aside, it's just plain foolish to break into a bank without telling anyone where you are going AND not bringing a weapon that can take down the forces of evil. You know they're out there and strangely attracted to Scott. Following obscure clues from someone who was looking for your ex requires extra firepower. And speaking of criminal acts, how exactly did Stiles get blueprints for a bank on such short notice? Essentially their plan is to squeeze through a ventilation shaft and punch their way in. That should be nice and quiet. Stiles questions Derek's ability to gather enough force to actually punch through the wall. Stiles' hand wishes his mouth would shut up. That settled Derek needs a crew, but Peter doesn't like the odds. He lays out the insurmountable odds in case the music hasn't clued us in that it's dangerous. Peter: "Do I have to remind you what we're up against here. A pack of alphas, all of them killers and if that's enough to scare your testicles back into your stomach, try to remember that two of them combine bodies to form one giant alpha." Yeah, I still don't get that. Stiles: "Can someone kill him again please?" BWAH!!! Stiles volunteers, but it's Scott that steps up for the rescue.

After almost two episode of trying to rescue them, we finally see Boyd and….not Erica. They're in rough shape but probably not as much as Allison who walks into the werewolf residence alone. She's not exactly quiet about it either. Luckily her shady guidance counselor (SGC) finds her first and tells her to hide. Instead of immediately proceeding to the safest exit, Allison asks questions. No dice. SGC has to book because Deucalion and Shoeless are coming. Seriously someone take that wolf to Payless and get some flip flops. That's nasty. Her wolf senses get extra spidery and Allison tips over a bottle of ammonia, I guess to mask her scent. Now call me a traditionalist but shouldn't Shoeless have been able to both hear Allison moving and be suspicious at the sudden smell of ammonia? Instead Allison works to keep the liquid from going under the door and all is well. On the plus side at least the ugly jacket is now ruined and should never be seen again. On the negative, I think that might be Heather's dead corpse in the closet with her. See what happens when you try to get some in Beacon Hills? You either screw a monster or you die. Should have stuck to your party, Heather.

Of course Peter might prefer monster death to listening to Stiles ramble about his impatience. Peter: "I could beat you unconscious and wake you when it's over." Ha! Stiles: "They're an alpha pack so shouldn't they have a lair?" Peter: "They're werewolves not Bond villains." BWAH! Stiles and Peter need more time together. They snark well as Peter tries to get Stiles to overcome his werewolf prejudices." Stiles: "Where do you live?" Peter: "In an underground network of caves hidden deep in the woods." Stiles: "Whoa, really?" Peter: "No you idiot, I'm in an apartment downtown." Love these guys. Still Stiles ponders the weird bank setup and since it's genre TV, he's right. Stiles: "They've already had three full moons to be poetic." Peter: "And here you've only had one full hour to be so annoy…" Peter cuts himself off and asks what the bank walls are made of but the info isn't on the plans. Of course it's vital because Scott and Derek are in the bank alley fulminating over risk and reward. Beware anvils of looming disaster falling on your head. Scott urges caution; Derek urges saving their pack. Scott is of course right. Derek is of course going anyway. Derek: "I know what I'm risking - my life for theirs. And I won't blame you if you don't follow me." Derek honey, I couldn't follow you even if I wanted. Those are some spectacular gymnastics skills you've got. Scott does not have the same problem. Just as they scale the wall, Peter has a breakthrough and tells Stiles to call them. Peter: "Because Boyd and that girl aren't going to kill each other. They're going to kill Derek and Scott." Stiles explains to Scott that the walls keep werewolves from turning on the full moon. We could go into why this makes absolutely no sense and if that's the case then there should be a whole lot of werewolves camped at the bottom of elevator shafts, but why stop the fun now? Peter exposits that by not wolfing out earlier they are actually more savage. Again no time for thought-provoking questions on the logic of it all. We have werewolves to save. Peter: "They're the starved lions and you and Derek just stepped into the Coliseum."

Derek however is currently distracted because his dead little sis steps out of the shadows to warn him to flee. Easier said than done when SGC opens the vault to the moonlight and completes the hoodoo circle that werewolves cannot cross. She isn't called shady for nothing. She escorts Deucalion away from the death match. As the werewolf pack fights to stay alive, Allison heads toward the noise. Boyd guts Scott and although Derek tells her not to, she breaks the seal and the half-crazed werewolves run out without stopping to snack on her. Say what? Derek goes ballistic because she let loose 2 bloodthirsty killing machines on the town but Scott is grateful to be alive. Allison: "You want to blame me. Well I'm not the one turning teenagers into killers." Sorry princess, there's enough blame to go around. You both sucked last season. Derek retorts about her family. Allison thinks he's talking about Gerard but Derek throws the mom card out, basically making it impossible for Scott to hide the truth from Allison anymore. Of course that fall out is next week because it wouldn't be Teen Wolf without Lydia waking up screaming. Why? Stayed tuned for next week when Boyd and Cora kill people and everyone emoangsts about whose fault it is with style and hopefully snark. Besides Stiles apparently knows what's going on next week. I hope he shares.

Overall this was another fun, fast-paced episode of Teen Wolf. It had a lot of great lines and kept the mystery going while still giving us some answers. The logic of some of the plots may not always make sense but the strength of the characters and breathtaking pace far outweigh that. So far season 3 is shaping up be another exciting adventure.

Best Scene - Tie: Derek and Isaac talking behind Peter's back & Peter and Stiles talking wolf dens
Best Surprise (for those of us who don't do spoilers) - Cora
Best Lines - Derek: "We don't like you. Now shut up and help us."
Peter: "They're werewolves not Bond villains."
Coach: "Stilinski I think you dropped this. Congratulations."
Stiles: "Can someone kill him again please?"


Screencaps by Screencapped.net

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