1. Clay: "I told you I went down on my bike." Clay's dad: "What, did you land on Mike Tyson?" (Luana Arturi)
Agents of SHIELD -
1. Gemma Simmons (about Framework!Ward): "Oh, always the double agent. [to Daisy] And this is who you woke up with? You two were together? Oh, this isn't the Framework. This is Hell." (Babar and Donna Cromeans)
Big Little Lies -
1. Tom: "You know, uh, I've actually been trying to figure out a way to impress you for a while now. I just.. haven't had my chance." Jane: "You're straight?" Tom: "What?" (Mark Ondo)
Black Sails -
1. Silver: "I made arrangements to ensure that when we leave here, it is with compromises in place that will diffuse any threat of widespread rebellion." Flint: "All this will be for nothing.
We will have been for nothing. Defined by their histories, distorted to fit into their narrative until all that is left of us are the monsters in the stories they tell their children." Silver: "I don't care." Flint: "You will. Someday, you will. Someday. Even if you can persuade her to keep you she'll no longer be enough. And the comfort will grow stale. And casting about in the dark for some proof that you mattered and finding none, you'll know that you gave it away in this moment on this island. Left it in the ground along with that chest." (Milo-MJ)
The Magicians -
1. Dragon: "You have 24 hours to return to the portal." Julia: "Or?" Dragon: "I sit patiently, waiting for you to come back. No, I eat you... I'm a fucking dragon, what do you expect? [after Quentin and Julia leave] Fucking millennials." (Babar)
Major Crimes -
1. Captain Raydor: “I am the happiest I have ever been in my professional life, with all of you, taking bad guys off the street." (Prpleight)
Once Upon a Time -
1. The Sultan: "I give you the greatest crown jewel in Agrabah. And, for the lucky prince who marries my daughter, this shall be her dowry." Prince Achmed: "That is... [Jasmine enters] quite a prize indeed!" Jasmine: "Do you mean me or the diamond?" Prince Achmed: "Does it matter?" Jasmine: "...So you can all leave now. There will be no engagement today."
2. Jasmine: "What are you doing in the Enchanted Forest?" Hook: "Trying to get the hell out of it. Now climb aboard before you get yourselves killed!"
3. Regina: "I've got just the thing to mend a broken heart!" Emma: "Whatever spell that is, I don't want it, I'm seriously not in the mood for magic." Regina: "Well who said anything about magic? [unfurls a paper] It's a 2-for-1 drink coupon at that new pub, Aesop's Tables! It'd be a shame to waste it." Charming: "Really? You think half-price liquor is the way to go?"
4. Emma: "Seriously? You two called in a fake fight?" Regina: "Fake fight, real friends."
5. Emma: "How many has she had?" Regina: "If you can believe it, that's her first." Snow: "I have a toddler and a sleeping curse at home; I need this."
6. Snow: "Hey! They're leaving without paying!" Regina: "Do you ever not tattle?!"