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TV was painful this week.  Just painful.  Feel free to commisserate in the comments.  We all might need to talk it out.


Overall Awards:



Best Show You're Not Watching - Star-Crossed

Yes, it is on the CW. Yes, it has a terrible name. Yes, the promotion stressed yet another lame Romeo and Juliet teen romance. Yes, the first 2 episodes sucked out loud. Yes, the main female character can be annoying in her naiveté and earnestness. I admit all of this, and it is still the best TV show you're not watching. For the last three episodes it has gotten away from the irksome love triangle and has delved into the consequences of aliens crash landing in America from a sociocultural level. It reminds me a lot more of Alien Nation than any "star-crossed lovers" young adult romance drivel. Everyone has an agenda and not everyone is what they seem, which makes it more of a serial sci fi mystery than anything else. But the heart of the story is when do you trust, when do you forgive, what's worth fighting for, and how far are you willing to go. Alliances shift as both humans and Atrians try to integrate after a decade of mistrust and abuse. It's a fascinating look into who we are as human beings.

Now normally I am a huge fan of starting a show from the beginning. I don't like to jump in partway through and muddle around until I figure things out. In this case, definitely start watching at episode 3 or you might not make it that far. Here's some handy cheat notes to catch you up. In 2014, a group of Atrians crash landed on earth in Louisiana. The military thought it was attack and fired. The Atrians fought back but were mostly annihilated. A kid named Roman ran and hid in a barn where a sick girl, Emery, found him and brought him food until he was recaptured. The Atrians who lived were rounded up in a prison camp called the Sector. Skip forward 10 years and Emery is healed and going to high school for the first time. Seven of the Atrians are making their school debut as well. Things don't go well. Think the integration of Central High in the 60's bad. Fights break out. People are cruel. Teens blah, blah, blah. Emery's best friend Julia is dying of cancer so they sneak off to the Sector to find a miracle cure but no such luck. When things get really bad, Roman sneaks into her hospital room and cures her with his blood and a plant called Cyper. While this is happening, Emery's dad shoots and kills Roman's father in the Sector. Things get worse between humans and Atrians. A group of aliens called the Trags want revolution. Roman's father wanted integration instead. Roman just wants Julia not to share his blood cure-all secret so all Atrians don't end up lab rats. There you go. You're all caught up on the important stuff. Now go watch episodes 3-5 with an open mind. You might be as surprised as I am about how fascinating this little show can be.


Best Episode - Crisis - 1.01 - Pilot

Crisis is the best pilot of the month for me and the best episode this week. It's not just because The X-Files was my first TV obsession and it's good to have some remnant of Dana Scully on a show I actually want to watch. In fact, while I liked Meg, she wasn't the biggest draw to be honest. Crisis revolves around the kidnapping of students from a prestigious school on their way to a field trip. The students' parents include some of the most powerful people in the world, including the President of the United States, genuine royalty, and heads of multibillion dollar companies. While there are several main characters, this story belongs to Secret Service agent Marcus Finley, who commands attention whenever he is on screen. Shot by his own boss, he escapes with one of the students, a genius named Anton. Part of his appeal is how he tempered Anton, who could have gotten old quickly. I'm a sucker for a TV character who can talk to kids. Part of it is his fierce determination to get these kids home. He's made to play the hero and he does it well.

Still the most intriguing character for me is Hurst, the man who shot Finley. At first portrayed as your typical bad guy in charge, it turns out that he was an unwilling participant. Does Gibson, the head kidnapper, have his family captive too? Why would a man who has served in the Secret Service for so long agree to be a madman's pawn, the face of treason? More importantly, did he hand pick Finley and shoot him in a place where he can still function as a way to insure the kids' safety? I confess that this is the best mystery to me and I look forward to learning what the stakes are for him. In a series that is obviously questioning, "How far would you go to save your child?" I hope his motive is as powerful as Gibson's, the mastermind whose own daughter was threatened a year earlier. It's a story of genuine twists and great acting so I can't wait to see how the rest of the story unfurls.


TV Trend of the Week - Character Death

TV went all slaughter happy this week, and like usual, it was never the character I wanted to die. While I orginally intended to write a tribute for each of the fallen this week, I've run out of time so I'm giving them their own awards instead. Suffice to say that Allison, Daniel, the Red Queen, and Will's snark will be most missed in my TV future.

Saddest Death - Teen Wolf - Allison Argent - Teen Wolf knows how to crack your heart open and then stomp on it as you're bleeding out. While Alliosn might not have been in pain, the fandom sure was. It was touching that her last act on earth was to save Isaac and her last words reaffirmed Scott. I hate when kick butt females die. They leave a void in their shows which is hard to fill. Here's to you, Allison Argent. You will be missed.


The "Screw You, Writers" Award - OUaT Wonderland - Ana and Will's Snark - By killing off both the Red Queen and Will's snark, I effectively have zero reason to watch Wonderland any more. This after killing Lizard the week before. I jsut don't understand writers these days. Why kill off all the fun and drown us in sticky sweet melodrama? Urgh!


Most Shocking - Blacklist - Jolene and the Cowboy - While all the other deaths were more transformative, they were also not unexpected. Jolene AND Cowboy really surprised me. I didn't expect the reversal on Tom to be quite so 180 so quickly. Not that I'm complaining though because finally Tom is interesting.


The Most Put Upon - Grimm - Castle Spy - Poor Sebastien. He never got a break. First Renard was bossing him around with absolutely zero regard for his safety. Renard didn't even seem grieved that something might have happened to him, only worried about what that would do to the Resistance. Then he gets tortured by a sadistic, cigar-twirling Prince Viktor. Finally when rescue is in sight, he willingly gives up his life to rescue Adalind's baby. Let's hope the afterlife treats him like the hero he is.


Biggest Mistake / Most Dramatic - Helix - Daniel Aerov - There are plenty of people you can kill in a high risk quarantine scenario. Helix just keeps killing off the good ones. First it was Vet Lady and then Constance the Psycho. Now they kill off Daniel. If you read last week's column, you know how awesome the Hatake-Daniel relaitonship was. Their father-son issues were the most heartfelt and engrossing storyline of them all. Now we're stuck with more of the Alan/Peter/Sarah show. Kill them off. Spare the people we actually care about. However, I do give Helix bonus points for the most noble death. When Hatake is forced to choose which child to save, Daniel again spares hiw father by making the choice for him. His simple goodbye made the moment even more heartfelt. To die for another is heroic. To forgive the one who hurt you the most before doing so is divine.


The "There Goes the World" Award - The 100 - Jasper - To be honest, I've only gotten attached to Clarke, Wells, and Finn in the pilot but Jasper's death was something the rest of them were not...crucial to the overall story. I liked Jasper; he brought the fun. Still his death revealed the presence of hominoid creatures that don't take kindly to strangers dropping in. It upped the ante right away and I am very good with that.



Nominated/New Shows:

Nominated Show:

Bitten - 1.11 - Settling

Bitten comes on after Helix on Fridays so I've seen bits of several episodes and even a full episode or 3. Just none that shed light on the mythology. Let's just say I'm confused but maybe not interested enough to go back and watch the beginning. From what I've gathered, there is a royal pack in a fight against a mutt pack. The show wants me to root for the royals, but I haven't discovered why. Their laws are archaic and they come off as douchey. A werewolf apparently showed up at their place unannounced and they killed him for it. The family business seems to be kidnapping their sons from their mothers and never letting them see each other. Half their grand speeches boil down to "we are better than mutts so we should have all the power and say so and dictate their lives," which never flies well. Rooting for these guys feels an awful lot like rooting for Marie Antoinette. I may not like how she ended but I understand why the peasants revolted. Not to say that I am rooting for the mutts either. Besides killing off the royals, they don't seem to have an endgame. Plus the whiner they think is in charge bit all the psychos and crazy drips off each one of them. The only one I am truly hoping to make it out of this battle is Marsten and that's just because he has the best snark. Other than that, I'm not attached to anyone.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I originally planned to review last week's episode, but it was pure filler and slow. I knew this show was better than that so I waited until this episode aired to review it. Overall, I could see this being right in a sci fi/fantasy lover's wheelhouse. For me, it is too emoangsty and soapish. Elena is always torn between honoring her family and pursuing her own dreams. Clay revolves between caveman tendencies of protection and brooding man child, lost in his fixation with Elena. Jeremy can't decide whether he's Dumbledore or Malfoy and Philip's plain boring. This episode is a mishmash of emotional overload in which I have no stakes. My guess is that people who have seen season 1 from the beginning enjoyed the episode more than I did. In the end, I already have a werewolf show and its pacing fits my viewing style better. Big thumbs up for the 2 fight scenes though. They were awesome!


Grade: C+
Ranking: 2 (I'll watch when it comes on after my show, but I'll forget about it if it doesn't.)

Best Scene - Apartment fight

Best Quote - Marsten: "Do be careful, Daniel. Tyranny can be infectious."

MVP / Best Reason to Watch - fight scenes

Biggest Shock / The "Say What?" Award - Elena de-wolfs in front of Philip. Why? Can she only be in wolf form for so long? Does she have no control over it? Perhaps Jeremy should worry about that instead.

Smartest Plan - Logan douses the place in perfume to keep the mutts from tracking his scent

The "Noisiest Hide-and-Go-Seek Player Ever" Award - Rachel. A deaf man could hear her stomping her feet in the shower.

The "Oh No" Award - The second snarkiest was kidnapped. Better save Clay. Then check on Philip's sanity.


New Shows:

Crisis - 1.01 - Pilot

Grade: B+
Ranking: 4

Best Scene - Finley reassures Anton (both times)

Best Quote - Nash: "Let's just try to stay calm." Luke: "Stay calm. Dude, are you at all aware what's going on? The guy who's supposed to protect Kyle shot the other guy who's supposed to protect Kyle."

Character with the Most Promise - Amber

Best Reason to Watch - the twisty, fast moving plot

Best Twist - Beth Ann's dad is running the whole thing and Hurst is chained up

Worst Twist - they are hinting that Nash and Amber have a relationship. It better not be true.

Best Character Interaction - Finley and Anton

Best Moment - Meg raises her hand to get the parents to stop and listen

The "That's My Kind of Kid" Award - They are in a crisis and Anton stops to grammar check. Ha!

The "Maury Povitch" Award - Meg's daughter is actually her sister's birth daughter

Best Music - And Nothing Else Matters by Scala & Kolacny Brothers (originally by Metallica)


The 100 - 1.01 - Pilot

To be honest, The 100 was better in the rewatch than in the initial viewing. I find Clarke to be a spunky, no nonsense, smart, but not preachy teen. She may be the best teen on TV if one can judge by pilot alone. I like how her father seems to have prepared her for earth even if it wasn't supposed to be within her lifetime. On a similar note, I find Bellamy fascinating even if I want to smack him through my screen. He has the power to be one great villain, but they have to flesh him out even more. If he is psycho for the sake of power, he'll soon devolve into the typical cardstock villain. I like how they have given him ample ammunition for his anger. His sister and his Goon Squad are another story. They are the weakest links and could potentially be the reason I drop the show. Idiots do nothing for me, except raise my ire. The situation on the Ark is even more intriguing. While it is easy to side with Abby in the moral right, the circumstances make even Kane's reasoning plausible. What do you do when there are too many people for the resources available and you can't get more? If they pursue this timely question and give everyone's side a chance, if they explore the ample gray area, it could be fascinating to watch. All in all, The 100 has lots of potential, if they balance the annoying characters or straight up kill them off. But still, for me, Star-Crossed is the best show on the CW right now.

Grade: B-
Ranking: 5 (because I'm doing the Best Scene Poll for it)

Best Scene - Wells vs. Bellamy for the hearts of the 100

Best Quote - Clarke: "The ground, that's the dream. This is reality. Reality sucks."

MVP - Clarke, there's no competition.

Biggest Surprise - There's a bipedal creature/human running around, who killed Jasper

Best Reason to Watch - Bellamy has the makings of a world-class psychopath in a classic Lord of the Flies way. Things are going to get bad quickly with him in charge.

Best Moment - Abby breaks down over the picture Clarke drew in her cell.

Biggest Buzz Kill - Clarke, and I'm good with that. Someone needs to be the voice of common sense.

Best Music - Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. Of all the shows that have used this soundtrack, Defiance and The 100 have the best reason to actually play it.

Biggest Whoopsie - Clarke accidentally gives Bellamy the idea to take off the wristbands so the people of the Ark won't come down to earth and tell everyone he's a would be murderer

Most Brain Dead - Octavia, who doesn't have the brains God gave a fruit fly, but does have the compassion of a serial killer

The "Say What?" Award - If Octavia jumped like that into shallow water, she should have at least injured her ankle if not broken it.

Best T-Shirt Ever - Jasper's tee says Earth Day 2052

The "Are These People 6?" Award - Even my elementary students know that a world with no rules is chaos.



Weekly Shows:

Resurrection - 1.02 - Unearth

Resurrection is 42 minutes that seem like 60. It's drawn out and meandering, taking its own sweet time at everything. Usually that annoys me to no end, but for some reason I am so intrigued about the plot that I can forgive the snail slow pace. The great acting helps as well. Although I can't see myself enjoying the lack of action and long dramatic pauses for the rest of the season, I am still willing to give this show some leeway if only to satisfy my curiosity.

Grade: B

Best Moment - Henry watches Marty open his son's grave but then sadly turns around, unable to bear it

Best Quote - Maggie: "Well what if there's nothing inside?" Marty: "That'll tell me something." Maggie: "What?" Marty: "That I need to get the hell out of town before they all start rising."

Best Reason to Watch - the acting again

Creepiest Moment - Jacob dreams that he and Caleb Richards crumble to dust

Saddest Moment - Lucille goes through a box of Jacob's things she packed away

Least Surprising - the other parents won't let their kids play with Jacob / they didn't show us what if anything was in the coffin

The "Even I Wouldn't Go That Far" Award - I am one to err on the side of caution every time, but even I wouldn't have Jacob lie about who he is. This is a small town. The gossip mill has already carried the story. Sorry Marty, but that ship sailed 15 minutes after you brought Jacob back.

Worst Product Placement - Whatever phone Maggie zoomed in with. Great shot of the phone. I have no idea what the brand is.

The "Say What?" Award - The body Caleb Richards buried years ago hasn't started decaying yet? In a series of odd, this is the strangest yet.

Most relatable - Henry can't figure out how to hook up the new electronics. You and me both, sir.



Teen Wolf - 3.23 - Insatiable

This was a great episode of Teen Wolf, especially for a penultimate episode. Allison died a hero after saving Isaac twice. It was a touching farewell if a bit marred by the lack of a good storyline for her character throughout the season. Overall this is by far the best season of Teen Wolf yet.

Grade: B+

Best Scene - Argent invites Allison to make her graduation silver bullet, and Allison tells her dad how much she loves him

Best Quote - Coach: "This school has a very strict no bullying policy."

Saddest Scene - Allison dies in Scott's arms

Best Action - The pack fights DarkStiles' Oni

Most Important Player - Allison

The Yippee Award - Coach didn't die, and he's still snarky, and he's the hero.

Best Reason to Watch - The Scott and Stiles brother bond. When Scott realizes that Stiles is hurting and starts worrying about him, I physically ache inside. May nothing ever come between this bromance. Nothing and no one.

Biggest Awww Scene / Best Hug in the History of Teen Wolf Hugs - Sheriff hugs Stiles so tight when Scott confirms that is indeed Stiles. Awww.

The "You Know It's Time to Transfer When…" Award - …when the school you teach at has a higher murder rate than Detroit AND you don't even have good health insurance. Teachers usually have the best insurance.

Best Reason to Fast Forward - Awkward teen relationship moments

Funniest Duo - Stiles and Isaac

Creepiest Moment - DarkStiles smirks as the Oni start to kill Isaac

The "Just Hit Me in the Gut, Part 22" Award - Argent runs up just in time to see his daughter die



Blacklist - 1.16 - Mako Tanida

I like that this episode concentrated on Ressler, a character that has been largely shafted. However, I hate being emotionally manipulated and this entire episode reeked of it. Why bring Audrey on for such a short time and then kill her off in the most moronic way ever? Surely they could have given Ressler some meaty scenes without resorting to a huge old plot device. This cheapens the entire episode. It doesn't however cheapen Diego Klattenhoff's performance. He always shines when given the opportunity. Let's make that happen more often, writers. I also liked getting more confirmation that Tom is a killer, even if it was at the expense of Jolene and Lance Reddick. He's finally interesting so I hope they don't kill him off right away now too. It looks like things really come to a head Monday.

Grade: C+

Best Scene - Ressler threatens to shoot his murderous best friend

Best Quote - Tom: "Alright, show and tell's over. I have detention at 4."

MVP - Ressler

Most Disgusting - a man disembowels himself to save his family

Biggest Idiot on the Planet - Audrey. She walks down the middle of the road when a guy is waving a gun around. Moron!

Worst Storytelling - They brought Audrey on board just to kill her off. It's a cheap emotional manipulation unworthy of the usual writing on The Blacklist.

Best Surprise - Tom is lethal…and more importantly, interesting

The "Say What?" Award - Why is the honorable thing always the most disgusting?

Biggest Twist - Ressler shoots blanks at the his mob boss best friend and said friend stabs himself

Worst Present Ever - Red sends Ressler Tanida's head in a box



Star-Crossed - 1.05 - Dreamers Often Lie

Grade: B+

Best Scene - tie - Roman confronts Gloria about Eljida

Best Quote / Best Pep Talk - Roman tells Drake they can work together

Biggest Awww Scene - Gloria gives her child to Eljida to protect him

Biggest Surprise - Emery isn't annoying in this episode. In fact, she and Grayson make a pretty good team.

Best Character Interaction - Teri and Taylor, the two queen witches would make for a powerfully uncomfortable alliance so more of them together please

The "Say What?" Award - How many kids are there in this high school? They keep making announcements to the same group of teens. Are there really only 60 kids in this school?

Worst Friends - Grayson, you totally got shafted by Eric's new friends leaving evidence in your back seat

Most Interesting New Atrian Fact - Atrians can see colors humans can't. which makes passing notes easier

Wackiest SubPlot- Drake and Taylor completely misunderstand each other and get busy in a bathroom. Nasty!

Most Easily Found Super Secret Hiding Place - Eljida

Ickiest - Drake digs up Beaumont's body and plant black cyper in it



The Musketeers - 1.08 - The Challenge

This episode saw the men of the Musketeers whoring themselves out to gain entry into a contest to see who is the best soldier. The winner represents the Musketeers in a competition against the Red Guard to end the age old question of which is superior. For an episode about soldiering, the emoangsting reigned and snark left the building early. Apparently it didn't want to see the sugar momma march either. For the record, I am also on Team Bonacieux. He has a right to expect his wife to be faithful and no matter how much they try to paint him in a bad light, that does not change. Neither does my distaste now for both Constance and D'Artagnan. I did like how Treville was trying to save his men even if they saw it as a betrayal, and Athos has proven to be a good mentor to D'Artagnan. I'd like to see more of this. Overall though, the real reason to watch was the action. There were several good fight scenes.


Grade: C+

Best Scene - The King grants D'Artagnan a commission into the Musketeers

Best Quote - Milady: "I do everything for you." Cardinal: "Permit me to doubt that."

MVP - Treville

Best Reason to Watch - fight scenes

The "No, I Don't Miss You" Award - I really, really won't miss the Constance and D'Artagnan love affair. I hope it continues to go away.

The "Say What?" Award - If this Bastille prison cell if is the 17th century equivalent of Club Fed, it leaves a lot to be desired.

Best Action - Labarge kicks D'Artagnan's butt

Best Incentive - Labarge wins or is executed

Best Reason to Fast Forward - D'Artagnan and Constance

Biggest Callback to Gladiator Days - People watching one man kill another



The Goldbergs - 1.18 - For Your Own Good

I admit it. I had Glory of Love on repeat after watching this episode of The Goldbergs. I might have even played it for an hour after the rewatch. It was a great subtle mockery of how the song was in constant radio rotation the summer of 1986, along with Who's Johnny and everything off the Top Gun soundtrack. Or maybe it was cheap on the budget. Who knows? One of the things I love about The Goldbergs is its fun slow dance with nostalgia. Kids today just don't understand what a big deal the new microwave was or how scary. AquaNet caused asthma attacks and allergies down every overcrowded school hallway, and yes, I just threw away the last of the Garbage Pail Kids cards I found in an old shoebox. Glad to hear they aren't worth a million bucks. This week the best part was Murray and Beverly's feud. Played to perfection by Jeff Garlin and Wendi McLendon-Covey, the best heart and laugh out loud moments came from their antics…and the dreaded crimper. You know it's love when you volunteer to clean a frat house.

Grade: B

Best Scene - Murray gets his chair back

Best Quote - Pops: "I just heated up the lasagna in the time it took for your relationship to collapse." / Barry: "Here, take your Garbage Pail Kids back. You don't need to pay me to protect you. I want to because you're my brother."

Best Aww Moment - Barry tells Adam he doesn’t have to pay him to protect him

Best Super Power - Beverly fights for Murray's chair with the glory of deep cleaning

Best Reason to Watch - Murray and Beverly's ever escalating war

Best Intended (?) Mockery - playing Glory of Love over and over again in salute to how many times it was played the summer of 1986

Biggest Freak Out - Murray freaks over Erica sitting in his chair because the first 48 hours molds the chair to your butt

Best Use of Music - Glory of Love by Peter Cetera plays several times in the episode but none better than while Murray reminisces about his beloved chair. It's hilariously perfect.

Most Nostalgic - I remember when we got our first microwave and all the controversy over whether it would give people cancer. What with the tests that "proved" they caused cancer in lab rats, along with red M & M's, saccharine, power lines, and almost everything else. By the time the 80's ended, we were all convinced that lab rats were just susceptible to cancer.

Best Moment - Beverly sprays Erica away with her Aqua Net. I know from years of going through school hallways in the 80's what an effective weapon that is. The sting in your eyes can actually blind you for ¾ of a minute.



Trophy Wife - 1.17 - The Wedding (part 2)

Grade: B-

Best Scene - Kate tells Diane and Jackie she really wants them at the wedding

Best Quote - Bert: "Sometimes a man just needs to cry."

MVP - Pete

Best Character Interaction - Pete and Kate

Most Obnoxious - Kate's mom

Best Code Word - grocery list

Biggest Aww Moment - Pete arranges for the wedding to be held on the plane



Perception - 2.14 - Obsession

Grade: B

Best Scene - Daniel's class says they won't return until he is reinstated

Best Quote - Kate: "So what's with the look?" Daniel: "There's like a 1% chance that I've been doing these things and I don't remember." Kate: "I'm going to run with the 99%." Daniel: "Good."

Best Moment - Max verifies that the cop is real for Daniel

Best Return - Caroline Newsome

Best Aww Moment - Kate tells Donnie not to leave

The "You Tell Him" Award - Paul calls Daniel out on using his diagnosis to be a douche

Best Manipulator - Kate by getting Daniel to agree to a DNA test

Biggest Douche - tie - The Chancellor and Williams, the big college donor

Biggest PSA - people with mental illness shouldn't be prejudged

Biggest Surprise - Daniel actually went to Paris



Growing Up Fisher - 1.04 - Trust Fall

This episode was a thousand times better than the last one. Joyce mostly acted like an adult and Mel was taken down a couple pegs. I like that we got to see Runyen's family, but it is weird that Henry wouldn't know what his best friend's parents do. How does that happen? The best part though was the heartwarming end when Joyce and Mel are on the same page and so is Katie, even if she had to pretend she wasn't.

Grade: B

Best Scene - Joyce and Mel explain the Katie situation to the cop

Best Quote - Mel: "Game Night, yeah. There's one game teenagers like to play and the last round usually involves peeing on a stick."

Best Character Interaction - Runyen's family

MVP - Katie

Funniest - The UPS man flees the house when Joyce gets a call

Biggest Misstep - Mel falls in a construction hole

Biggest Brat - Runyen, who needs to be spanked

Most Overprotective - Mel tracks his family via GPS

Creepiest - Runyen's grandma sleeps with her eyes open



Community - 5.10 - Advanced, Advanced Dungeons & Dragons

Wow! Who knew Dungeons and Dragons could be so hostile? With the exception of killing Shirley off so early, I enjoyed the gang working together (and against each other) to help Hickey out. It's a great example of the interaction between all the characters and also a play on the great imagination this show has. Got to love Abed's smart consequences.

Grade: B

Best Scene - Hickey breaks the hobgoblins' trust to get answers

Best Quote - Abed: "A satisfying sequel is difficult to pull off. Many geniuses have defeated themselves through hubris, making this a chance to prove that I'm better than all of them. I'm in."

MVP - Abed

Best Meta - Fat Neil is in the background doing this and that while Jeff is talking about him

Biggest Prick - Hank, who sucks all joy from Game Night

The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Shirley's the first to die. Eight minutes in and she's already obsolete. Urgh!

The "Ulgh" Award - Spider noises and talk about spiders with wings. Ulgh, ulgh, ulgh.

Voice of Reason - Britta, surprisingly

Best Physical Comedy - Abed's hobgoblin face

Best Music - the character chanting



Wonderland - 1.11 - Heart of the Matter

Wonderland is bound and determined to make me hate it. Again they killed off one of the very few characters I actually liked. Then they went a step further and did the worst thing imaginable - they killed off Will's snark. In a week of character deaths, this one was the worse. How am I supposed to stomach the sap that falls from Alice's mouth, or the sentimentalism of Cyrus. How can I counterpoint the hokiness of Jafar's dialogue without the sweet poison of the Red Queen? I vote for Cora to come back and kill them all! Let it be the complete tragedy they have made of this show in this episode. Bah!

Grade: D

Best Scene - Cora, the Queen of Hearts, manipulates Ana into staying and being queen

Best Quote - Jabberwocky: "Your deepest fears." Knave: "I'll save you some time: water, hairy spiders, being stabbed in the head, and uh, raisins. Grapes are fine but raisins, no thank you."

Only Reason to Watch - Cora, the Queen of Hearts

Best Interaction - Cora and Anastasia

Best Distraction - Cyrus starts a barroom brawl so miniature Alice can steal the compass back

Biggest Question - How can Will be blocking Jafar's magic now when he couldn't when the Red Queen made her wishes?

The "Overreact Much" Award - Will has Cora pluck out his heart because Ana left him

Funniest - Cyrus turns lights on and off in amazement. Wait until you find out about the internet, dahling.

The Aladdin Award - Cora explains the 3 restrictions of magic a la the genie in Aladdin

Best Mother-Child Reunion - Cyrus and Jafar's snake talking stick. Hi, Momma.



Grimm - 3.16 - The Show Must Go On

This is not my favorite episode. It was too PSA about unfair work conditions and I am tired of hearing about Monroe and Rosalee complaining about Wesen exploitation when no one has bothered to tell Wu the truth yet. Yes, I am still ticked about that and it feels like they are sweeping it under the rug. For me the best part was the Swiss Alps scenes and for the most part that was just Meisner and Adalind running through the woods. I am equally upset that Castle Spy died. He was one of the few I still really liked. At least he got to go out a hero.

Grade: C

Best Quote - Monroe: "I want to thank you for changing my life because if it hadn't been for you I never would have met Rosalee and for that I am truly grateful." Rosalee: "Me too." Monroe: "So…will you pay for the wedding?"

Biggest Hero - Castle Spy for taking out Prince Viktor's men

Saddest Moment - Prince Viktor kills Castle Spy

Biggest Aww Scene - Monroe and Rosalee ask Nick and Juliette to be their Best Man and Maid of Honor

Biggest Surprise - Adalind's freaky baby didn't stop the people chasing them….or did she?

Least Loss - Delores and Monica, the two idiots whose brattiness had me rooting for their death from the beginning

The "Say What?" Award - How does Meisner not know what Prince Viktor looks like? He's a main person in the Resistance plus the prince has surely been on TV a time or two since Eric died.

Biggest Filler - Nick and Hank keep asking how they create the magic when we all already know about woging

The "Screw You, I'm Still Ticked and Ignoring It Won't Make It Better" Award - I don't care anymore about your Wesen exploitation issues. What's with this theme 2 episodes in a row? If you aren't going to be honest with Wu, throw your historical pity party somewhere else, Monroe and Rosalee.

The Hmmm Award - They are going to drive to rehab with that guy in an open cage? That won't attract any attention from people on the road. Not even say the police.



Helix - 1.12 - The Reaping

It has only been 12 days but Daniel crept into my heart and became the most interesting character on Helix by far. He was just determining what he wanted and who he was going to be outside of the shadow of his father and I was looking forward to seeing him grow beyond a good soldier to become even more of an asset in this fight. In addition, his relationship with his father was one of the few that I wanted to see more of instead of less like all the rest. Therefore of course, he died. Ugh! There was so much more to explore about him just like Constance, who met an untimely death before him. I don't know why TV insists on killing off all the great side characters instead of offing the far more annoying main ones. RIP Daniel. I will miss you. That said, Hatake was again the second star of the night behind his son. His pain in seeing Daniel's brains blown all over the glass was palpable. I also like his humanity when pleading for his kids and his patience in battle. While the baby-faced villain is a common genre show trope, Scythe is chilling and the personal nature of Hatake killing his mother, Constance, gives the conflict sufficient gravitas. Everything is intensified when its personal. I look forward to the season finale next week, but to be honest, I'm not sure I want to continue this adventure without Daniel.

Grade: B+

Best Scene - Hiroshi has to choose which of his children will live until Daniel sacrifices himself for Julia

Best Quote - Hatake: "Daniel, please. Don't do anything foolish." Daniel: "I love you, father. I always will and I forgive you." Hatake: "Daniel!"

Best Character Interaction - Daniel and Julia. It surprises me how much I loved their scene together and while it was just a blip in the episode, it is the character interaction that stands out the most to me.

MVP - Hatake. While Daniel was phenomenal in this episode, Hatake just slightly edges him out for MVP.

The "Say What?" Award - They leave their super secret hiding place to recover the scientists' dead bodies. I don't mean to be cruel but there's nothing you do for those guys. Save yourselves.

Best Banter - Julia and Sarah talk about immortality

The "He Has a Point" Award - Alan makes a great case for how immortality is not working out for them so far.

Recapitations - Sadly we watch Constance being killed again. Over and over. Talk about another character that had more interesting storyline to share. Why can't they kill off Alan or Sarah and leave the great characters to develop? I don't understand TV writers.

Best Surprise - Julia's mother is alive and on the base

Best Secret Ninja Skills - Scythe, who can take a full grown woman from an elevator without a sound and without anyone else in the elevator seeing it

Best Aim - Anana snowballs Tulok. I want her on my team.






Screencaps by CW TV, TV.com, Remote Control, TV Guide, Have You Heard, Studio System News, New York Daily News


About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and creates polls for Sleepy Hollow, Arrow, White Collar, Grimm, Teen Wolf, and others. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts the Warehouse 13, Sleepy Hollow "Headless," and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."

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